Mental Health - Widower Experience (WX)

An zwei Dingen kommt niemand vorbei: an der Geburt und am Tod. Darum sollten wir auch das Sterben Teil unseres Lebens sein lassen.  Er ist nicht vorhersehbar. Er trifft uns meistens unvorbereitet - aber kann man sich vorbereiten sollte man es tun. Und egal wie oft man es schon mit dem Sterben und Tod zu tun hatte - wir können vorher nicht im Ansatz ahnen, was es mit uns macht - insbesondere wenn es um den Tod von Partnern, Angehörigen, Freunden handelt - was ich sagen kann ist die Liebe wird das Leid und Trauer bestimmen - und die Liebe wird am Ende bleiben - das wünsche ich zumindestens jedem - das Trauer kommt. und Trauer gehen darf aber auch bleiben darf wenn es Liebe ist die verweilen darf.  Noch unvorstellbarer ist es, dass wir selbst eines Tages gehen müssen – vielleicht sogar früher, als wir es je geahnt hätten. Die eigene Endlichkeit schreckt uns - wäre auch irre wenn es nicht so wäre - aber genau darum wünsche ich es mir, dass wir den Tod als das betrachten, was er ist: als et

Früher oder später fragen sich die meisten einmal nach dem Sinn - Sinn des Lebens , welche Dingen zu tun und zu lassen - die Frage nach dem Sinn des Lebens. Und oftmals fällt es uns gar nicht so leicht eine Antwort zu finden. Denn all zu oft verbinden viele Leute die Frage nach dem Sinn mit meist mit all zu hohen Erwartungen, großen Zielen und beispiellosen Taten. Da kann sich das eigene Leben, mit überschaubaren Zielen und vermeintlich kleinen Dingen schnell sinnlos anfühlen. Doch dabei geht auch viel Potential verloren, Sinn zu erleben und etwas in das EIGENE Sinnempfinden zu zulassen, zu erkennen, zu erleben, ... zu what ever. Das Wort „Sinn“ entwickelte sich aus dem Indogermanischen „sent“, was so viel wie „gehen, reisen, fahren“ bedeutet und wurde im Althochdeutschen „sinnan“, das für „reisen, streben, trachten“ steht. Somit ist Sinn doch ein Weg - der eigene Weg. Ich wünschte jeder würde sich Zeit nehmen über sich selber zu reflektieren, herauszufinden wo man ist, das ist für die

While writing my blog, I’m keen to emphasize that my thoughts are mainly based on my own experience - increased by talks I had with other grievers aren’t aimed at any one person, or a particular community, culture or tradition. Instead, it recognizes that our collective ‘society’ - a many-faceted, diverse, rich in variety time and environments - has strong opinions and a very loud voice which influences how we navigate - and talk about grief. As a result, society and 'good' friends, colleagues impose expectations and judges people – especially when they’re grieving – by telling them what they ‘should do’, how long they ‘should’ grieve, and how they ‘must’ feel. If someone doesn’t cry at the funeral, or if someone does cry but for ‘too long’, society assumes there’s something wrong with them. In the recent months I wrote a lot about grief, how to deal with grief and death - but this time I thought it is time to write how to deal with grieving people - for people who ask themsel

We can only grieve for something or someone  who we loved before. Love can exist without grief - but  grief can only exist by love - but finally one will not exist without the other. Grief asks us to be kind, to ourselves and to others. It demands respect, mindfulness and awareness. Everybody experiences loss, whether it's the loss of a loved one, the ending of a romantic relationship, or any sort of a serious setback in life. The process of dealing with that grief often involves mourning "rituals" that vary across different times and cultures. How ever you do such grief rituals - they will be comforting acts - if they mean something to the individual person.  Such rituals reduce fears and give stability in a new reality. In order to ... process the loss of people to feel the closeness and connection with the deceased to express love and affection for the deceased ... acts of mourning are of elementary importance It is extremely important to allow these emotions, giving t

In a society in which grief can be experienced, shown and perhaps even can run free, the past, present and future are connected. For me - that#s how I feel it and experiencing it mourning means honoring the past and making the future possible.  There is no life without goodbyes and no aliveness, spontaneousness or love without experiencing loss and change. The time of mourning is a crisis, is a change of 'culture' for oneself but as well for the environment - and experiencing, living, and showing that you are feeling bad, that you have good moments, moments of reminding, ... and so many more experiences with mourning - the rollercoaster of emotions - must have or should have effects on society - therefore also these crisis will have effects on the present society and in the future viability of society. Opportunities, moments, acts, occurrences of mourning are a very central means, action points or points and opportunities to pause for a moment  of actualizing personal closeness

Social change and our society - it feels more and more that we all have to perform flawlessly, smoothly and effective - there is no time, room for emotions and for sure not for mourning and grieving. The pressure to act and behave smoothly in an accelerating society makes being 'in mourning' a disruptive state that should be limited as much as possible and ended as early as possible. This social pressure or let me call it compulsion is fatal for the mourning experience itself. Time to say farewell - in a good way - in your way  As I've written in previous articles, grief has no final ending, although the pain will subside over time and life will and have to take a new direction. In the perception of most people and as it is seen all too often in society - the expectation is that a grieving process is mostly understood as a temporary times and period with an start and end  - as exceptional state, a state of emergency - a time that should not only be over at some point, but s

Die deutsche Verfassung verbürgt in Artikel 2 das Recht auf freie Entfaltung seiner Persönlichkeit. Grundgesetz für die Bundesrepublik Deutschland GG Art 2  Art 2 GG (1) Jeder hat das Recht auf die freie Entfaltung seiner Persönlichkeit, soweit er nicht die Rechte anderer verletzt und nicht gegen die verfassungsmäßige Ordnung oder das Sittengesetz verstößt. Art 2 GG (2) Jeder hat das Recht auf Leben und körperliche Unversehrtheit. Die Freiheit der Person ist unverletzlich. In diese Rechte darf nur auf Grund eines Gesetzes eingegriffen werden. Bundesverfassungsgerichts  Im Urteil des Bundesverfassungsgerichts vom 26. Februar 2020 sagte das BVerfG und publizierte in der Pressemitteilung Nr. 12/2020 vom 26. Februar 2020 folgendes: " Das allgemeine Persönlichkeitsrecht (Art. 2 Abs. 1 in Verbindung mit Art. 1 Abs. 1 GG) umfasst ein Recht auf selbstbestimmtes Sterben. Dieses Recht schließt die Freiheit ein, sich das Leben zu nehmen und hierbei auf die freiwillige Hilfe Dritter zurückzu

In a talk that's by turns heartbreaking and hilarious, writer and podcaster Nora McInerny shares her hard-earned wisdom about life and death. Her candid approach to something that will, let's face it, affect us all, is as liberating as it is gut-wrenching. Most powerfully, she encourages us to shift how we approach grief. "A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again," she says. "They're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on." Nora McInerny • TEDWomen 2018  •  15 min ... And what I really love is the part where and when she talks about the fact that she slips to the Present Tense when she talks about her deceased husband - and that is what I recognized as well when I talk about my wife - memory are memories - but my wife is still with me - not only in my case I recognized it as well each time when I meet people who find 'their way' to deal with the lost. What I firmly believe and even hope is

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is take a deep breath and relax. At times, we get so embroiled in our hectic, fast moving world with deadlines and work-life pressure that we actually forget to relax!  Slow down… breath, and relax. National Relaxation Day is all about winding down and just taking it easy. Relaxation is a vital thing to do for everyone. We all need to have a break from time-to-time. We can’t deny that life seems to be lived at a faster pace than ever before. We all have responsibilities. This could be work responsibilities, family responsibilities, financial responsibilities, or a combination of them all! We can put so much stress and pressure on our bodies and minds, and this is why we all need to take time to recuperate so that we do not burn out. Relaxation tips for your mental health Take a break Relaxation doesn't have to take up lots of your time - even 5,10, 15 minutes are often good for one or two. Just stepping away from something stressful fo

Feeling to stand or even work in somebody else’s shoes, to anticipate how they see through their eyes, feel what they feel, that’s how good life can happen, good relations run and peace exist. And it’s up to me, you and evryone who is open to be empathic to let it happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world. Authentic Life and Empathy Living an authentic life was always something I did. I defined myself as someone who isn’t afraid to be true to who I am, including my personality, values, and principles in life. I didn't bother compromising the entirety of who I am just for the comfort of others. Rather, I most often stuck to who I am regardless of what others think of me. But as I grow older, and faced a number of really challenging things in live including a few on a knife edge - step by step I realized I can live even more authentic and honest when I let people closer at me and that I can grow by that. I learned that a team, a society, a family is more tha

Saying goodbye Was the hardest thing to do. We had the naive thought, we never have to. We always listened Often no idea what to say, But knowing when to give each other a hug Then there was the day - when you decided to call it a day. No one will ever take your place. I can always promise you this. It's hard to find someone like you, So know you'll always be missed - sealed with a kiss. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  What would I not do for another last hug by you By the stretch of your fingers By the sun up in Heaven,  by the moon and the stars By the blood that flows in my veins and all I feel - especially the pains

My guiding principles: You can only choose to a limited extent when you die and also only to a limited extent how you die. But YOU can decide HOW you live. And that will tell you how you don't want to live. Life and love can be so wonderful. Joy and pain can be that close And something new can always happen and you think you're in heaven. But if life has no more good moments, no surprises no quality for one and hope is only hope for hopes, you should be able to define how you can spend and enjoy the last few days and go with as little pain and suffering as possible. Quality of life and dignity The quality of life and the dignity of an individual person is a complex, unique, but as well changeable and adaptable in the course of a lifetime and in cases of changes and illness. Dignity and quality of life, there are a number of definitions and considerations in various areas of society, in faiths, religions, in laws and also in philosophy, but no general definition. Quality of life

Einer meiner Leitgedanken: Du kannst dir nur bedingt aussuchen wann du stirbst und auch nur bedingt wie du stirbst. Aber DU kannst entscheiden WIE du lebst. Und das kann dir sagen wie du nicht leben willst. Das Leben und die Liebe kann so wundervoll sein. Es gibt Augenblicke, da möchte man zerspringen vor Glück oder vor Schmerz. Und stets kann etwas Neues geschehen, und man glaubt, man sei im Himmel. Aber wenn das Leben keine Qualität mehr für einen selber hat.Die Hoffnung nur Hoffnung ist sollte man definieren können wie man gut die letzten Tage verbringen und genießen kann und mit möglichst wenig Schmerz und Leid gehen kann. Qualität und Würde Die Lebensqualität und die Würde eines Menschen und Individuum ist ein vielschichtiger, individueller, wandelbarer und anpassungsfähiger Begriff, der sich im Leben und im Kranksein wandelt.  Würde und Lebensqualität, hierzu finden sich an verschiedensten Stellen der Gesellschaft, bei Glaubensrichtungen, in Gesetzen und auch in der Philosophie e

When you are grieving, the intensity of your emotions can make it seem that life or a moment is not OK. Negative feelings may easily become overwhelming, leaving you feeling disconnected from others and terribly alone. At these times, directing loving kindness to yourself and those around is a simple way to reconnect with others and open your heart to receive their love. I like the method of Loving Kindness How I do it ... As most often for such practices, I check that I do have a comfortable body position. This will be easiest lying down or seated.  Once I feel comfortable I bring my attention and awareness to my breath, feeling the movement of my belly. Inhaling, noticing sensations of breath. Exhaling, noticing sensations of breath, as the belly rises and falls. We'll now shift into this practice of joy. Now bringing to mind someone who you really believe has your best interests in their heart. Someone who has extended kindness and support to you. This could be someone you know

Elaine Fong's mother wanted was a peaceful end of life. What she received instead became a fight for the right to decide when. Fong shares the heart-rending journey to honor her mother's choice for a death with dignity -- and reflects on the need to explore our relationship to dying so that we may redesign this final and most universal of human experiences.

Helen O'Shaughnessey shares her touching and insightful experiences, on the importance of "end of life choice," in this 13 minute TEDx Talk.  Helen O'Shaughnessey worked as nurse and midwife. She is a  I a humanist and she believe that the greatest human right and the greatest human freedom is to be able to live and die according to one's own beliefs and desires. I like how she put her thoughts together and what she has to share regarding her experience and thought of dying with dignity: The importance of choice at end of life ...

Der Bundestag hat Mitte Mai 2022, in einer Generalaussprache über Möglichkeiten zur Reform der Sterbehilfe beraten.  Hintergrund war und ist das Urteil des Bundesverfassungsgericht (BVerfG) aus Februar 2020, dass das2015 vom Bundestag beschlossene Verbot der organisierten Sterbehilfe gekippt und klargestellt hat, dass jeder Mensch ein Recht hat, selbstbestimmt zu sterben, auch mit Unterstützung Dritter. In der Generalaussprache des Bundestag hatten viele Redner das Selbstbestimmungsrecht der Bürger*innen hervor gehoben, auf den Lippen. Oft wurde dieses aber schon im Folgesatz eingeschränkt. In fast allen Reden wurde eine 'geeignete Beratungsinfrastruktur' zur Verfügung zu stellen um Suizide wo immer möglich zu verhindern. Wobei leider aus den Reden das Verhindern deutlicher betont wurde als die Hilfe die die Menschen brauchen / bräuchten. Manche Redner forderten einen Ausbau der Palliativ- und Hospizversorgung. Aber bei allen war deutlich - dass sich die Redner weder mit der Pa