TED talk - We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it

In a talk that's by turns heartbreaking and hilarious, writer and podcaster Nora McInerny shares her hard-earned wisdom about life and death. Her candid approach to something that will, let's face it, affect us all, is as liberating as it is gut-wrenching. Most powerfully, she encourages us to shift how we approach grief. "A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again," she says. "They're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on."

Nora McInerny • TEDWomen 2018  •  15 min ...

And what I really love is the part where and when she talks about the fact that she slips to the Present Tense when she talks about her deceased husband - and that is what I recognized as well when I talk about my wife - memory are memories - but my wife is still with me - not only in my case I recognized it as well each time when I meet people who find 'their way' to deal with the lost.

What I firmly believe and even hope is that I will grieve forever. 

You will not “get over” the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. you will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same. Nor would you want to!  

And I guess that will be case for most people or even all who found 'their way' to deal with death and the lost of love-ones - Grief will stay with you and that is OK - because I think it is good because only when grief is still with one the lost one is with you as well.

As stoic I do not equal or put the understanding and acceptance of a situation on a level with liking a situation. It is about acknowledging all that - that it has been lost and learning to live with that loss. But I've learned even more that grief is another name for Love and that no matter how deep your grief makes a home in you, love will always leave a window open. A window for fresh air in the middle of the storm, for a hope that comes after you've lost all hope.

Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving…the pain of the leaving can tear us apart. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.

Articles I like to share with you in this context

Story of Love - Joy and Pain - and Grief

My beloved wife ... Always in my mind. Forever in my heart.

Death doesn't end love - returning to life after losing your partner