Story of Love - Joy and Pain - and Grief

The story of lost love is one most of us can tell, and the question,

• "Do I want to fall in love?"
• "Why do relationships fail?”
• "What to do when I loose my love?"

Whether we know it or not, most of us are afraid of really being in love. While our fears may manifest themselves in different ways or show themselves at different stages of a relationship, we all harbor defenses that we believe on some level will protect us from getting hurt.

Joy of love and the pain of love

As stoic - I believe in balance - real joy and real pain are mutually dependent
When we fully experience true and real joy or feel the preciousness of life on an emotional level, we all too often have a presentiment of feeling or expecting great amount of sadness.
Many of us shy away from the things that would make us happiest because they will or might also make us feel pain, sorry, or even guilty in one or the other way ... or already worry about grieving upfront.
And I am sorry to tell you at this point - We cannot selectively numb ourselves to sadness without numbing ourselves to joy.
When it comes to falling in love, we may be hesitant to go “all in,” for fear of the sadness it would stir up in us.

And now let me ask you - you might see it differently and that is 100% ok - but I and my wife thought the same way.
Life is full of ups and downs - but how boring is a life without these ups and downs?
And yes a lot of events in my life which all too often felt like a roller-coaster ride - I never asked for but without them it wouldn't be MY life.


And in this context I like to share a song performed by Tina Turner. (Side note - I had a few brief experience with Tina Turner in person and my wife and I often laughed about it or my wife chaff me by this memory)

and let me quote one 'bridge' part of the song:
I've been taking on a new direction
But I have to say
I've been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way
and I continue
I will always walk that way with love and passion

And a few last word ...

Most relationships bring up an onslaught of challenges. Getting to know our fears of intimacy and how they inform our behavior is an important step to having a fulfilling, long-term relationship.
These fears can be masked by various justifications for why things aren’t working out—but we may be surprised to learn about all of the ways that we self-sabotage when we get close to someone else.
By getting to know ourselves, we give ourselves the best chance of finding and maintaining lasting love.

Love and pain / joy and grief

Love and pain and as well joy and grief is closely connected - Grief can only come into our life when were was and is love.
Grief is a matter of the heart and soul. I've learned that grief is another name for Love and that no matter how deep your grief makes a home in you, love will always leave a window open. A window for fresh air in the middle of the storm, for a hope that comes after you've lost all hope. When all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.

Grief can be the garden of seed, plants and flowers - called sympathy, empathy, fellow feeling, and deep emotions. If you keep your sensitivity and eyes and as well your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom.

The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain and to grieve.