Mental Health - Widower Experience (WX)

The days around Christmas are often described as gentle and hopeful — a season of quiet, closeness, and reassurance. For many people, however — and especially for those working in emergency and care professions — these days can feel less like rest and more like amplification. What has been carried through the year — loss, strain, unresolved grief, inner tension — can suddenly feel heavier, like a backpack we didn’t realize we were wearing until we finally stopped moving. Holidays interrupt routines. They slow the pace. And in that slowing, memories surface. They grow louder. This is true for those who are grieving, and just as true for people who carry responsibility for others — professionally or voluntarily — often without much room for their own needs. Grief During the Holidays Is Human, Not a Disorder I’m writing this shortly after returning from a Psychosocial Emergency Support (PSNV) Training Week , followed by a peer conversation the very next day. These experiences shape my foc...

  "Grief only has to do with the psyche, not the body"... Really?  Think again!  Aren't there:  Headache Chronic fatigue Nausea Rapid heartbeat Abdominal pain Breathing problems Weight changes Hypersensitivity Sensory problems Insomnia Migraine Aching eyes Racing heart Toothache Concentration problems Nightmares Hair loss Physical exhaustion Forgetfulness Increased susceptibility to infection Muscle tension Lack of energy Deterioration of vision Skin problems Loss of appetite ... ? Grief does not just affect the psyche; it also has many physical manifestations. The intense emotions associated with grief can trigger a host of physical symptoms as the body reacts to the stress. During periods of grief, the body is in a heightened state of stress, which can result in a variety of physical symptoms.So, grief is not only an emotional experience but can profoundly influence a person's physical health. It's vital to take a holistic approach to care, addressing both ment...

Grief has many faces and manifestations. Though I have often written this in similar terms in my blog, it's very important for me to emphasize this. Grief is individual! That's why many people might not be able to conceive of something like anticipatory grief - grief that is felt in advance of the actual loss. But whoever reads this article might remember, "Oh yes, I experienced something similar or comparable.” Grief is about the loss of relationships, dreams, hopes, and expectations. People grieve for memories and past selves, but also for the loss of a possible future reality. Grief for forthcoming, expected events describes feelings of sadness that set in before an impending loss. This could relate to various events, situations, and individuals - such as a failing relationship, or the inevitable death of a loved one due to old age or a long-term, debilitating illness. Studies differ in opinion as to whether anticipatory grief is equivalent to "conventional" g...

The idea of celebrating Christmas might be quite overwhelming when you're mourning. It's critical to take care of oneself and figure out how to manage during the season.  So the question comes up - How to handle loss during the holidays? Think about various celebration methods. Try organizing your celebration in advance. Christmas celebrations might not even feel necessary to you. Or, you may discover that the best way to honor the deceased and assist your family is to continue at least a few of your regular Christmas customs. It's critical to follow your own judgment and avoid feeling pushed to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.  Look after yourself and yours who are grieving too. What I like to mention, as I did in other articles before - grief is individual. Accept and recognize that different people may grieve in various ways. People grieve and remember in various ways, as we all know. Families might occasionally find it challenging when members have dive...

Whether we like it or not one of the only sure inevitable things in life is that we are all going die and our beloved ones. We don’t talk about death. We talk about sex, drugs and money. We teach our children about these subjects but we don’t talk about death and dying. We need to talk to our young about death and dying and we need to talk among ourselves openly about grieving. Pets are a good start whether they because they passed away peacefully caused by age - but as well when assisted by a doctor. We need to discuss how we feel about their death and encourage our children to do the same.  And adults don't like to talk to children about dying and death if it gets to suicide. Many believe that keeping suicide quiet protects children. But this is not the case.  By the way - I did so and thought so as well a long time, but especially by my latest explorations of studies and courses and seminars I joined - I were disabused. This is not the case - because children are ...

We all know that our parents will die at some point down the line. For many people it is a shocking event. The death of a parent is a shocking, overwhelming experience at any age. Deep within every human being, the child rests throughout life - knowing there is a mother or father to find help, protection and security. When these the parents, are no longer there, this option suddenly no longer exists. When one of the parents dies, childhood is finally and irrevocably over, or one believes that being a child is/would be over. Suddenly some people think they are no one's child anymore. There would no longer be anyone to perceive/look at them with the familiar eyes of a mother or father. The way our parents spoke to us, no one will ever speak to us again. The path of dealing with grief is individual and always different. The path of grieving is as individual as the relationship was between children and parents during their lifetime. Was the relationship good, close, emotional, ... were...

Just a few of us will go through life without losing something or even worse someone we love - Grief is part of our life. Grief is the cost of love. The longing and sadness we feel after someone's death is the price we sometimes pay for the close relationships we cherish. Some people are more resilient after such a loss, can deal with their grief, and eventually adjust to life without their loved one. Others are unable to do so. I found it to be helpful for myself and others to think about and to distinguish between grief and grieving. Then as I did that, came to find that other people found it useful as well. Grief really is that feeling that you have, the sort of intensity that just overwhelms you, and that sort of momentary experience. Grieving, on the other hand, is the way that grief changes over time without ever actually going away.  In my blog I am writing about the different aspects ... What makes someone more or less resilient in the face of loss?  How is grief relat...

The day, the hour and minute my wife decided to pass away - the day, hour and minute she did it and when she was buried I will never ever forget. I know the word 'anniversary' is the one we use for such days - but in this context of dying, I do not like it - as I connect the word 'anniversary' with joy and fun - positive events. That's why I prefer the words: 'day of remembrance' Grief is a natural response to loss - and if you really loved someone, something - grief will stay as long as you remember the loved one - and that is OK. In the first days, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.Whatever type of loss you’ve suffered, there’s no right or wrong way of grieving - and a mixture or selection of these feelings will come up from time to time. from experiences to experiences even after years - and this OK as well. Plan ahead for...

I am pretty sure that you either heard, or you said to a friend, or that you already thought that all you needed was a few months to get over something traumatic. And believe me that you are not alone. Most of us have been there and believed the same thing before. After all, the saying that “time heals all wounds” is used by many people for good reason. And I can as well tell you that traumas, grieving, and what ever crossed you way - need time. Even time is for damn sure an important factor when it comes to healing. And it may take away some of the pain, sorrow, or other dark and painful emotions which you experienced and experience.  Even though there’s as I mentioned there is some truth in the phrase, I disliked it when I was in the acute stage of grief - and I still dislike it today- as time on its own is not a healer. Healing is not a straight road. What healing and your healing will look like, how long it will take, and what you will think and feel and do and experience alon...

As I have written so much about grief and lost - and about challenges in life - I like to write today about the most valuable emotion. The emotion which causes the pain of grieving ...  LOVE  Today is Thanksgiving - Thanks are given to those who do something good for us. So, it is the best day to say thanks to our beloved ones, who makes your life beautiful by spreading love. We say Thank You to everyone in our ordinary life, but some people are special, our beloved partner, and I do it as well and I say thank you to my wife who went ahead over the bridge and is waiting on the other side. I think Thanksgiving is a good day to think about Love. I already wrote about it before that I see that grief is love . And yes, I understand that one or two may not believe me, because grief seems like a nightmare. I have to admit that on few days I don’t believe it myself, but then someone says something tender or shares a loving memory or does something supportive for another person and I’...

The pain, hurt and sorrow of grief are so individual as the people we are and what or who we lost. Especially when we lost a beloved person - it can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell - your own - your safe place. But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you're not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it's important to express them when you're grieving - or just to be with someone, sitting somewhere, walking along a beach or through a forest, watching mother nature. Finding any words, finding the right words will be hard - often almost unpossible - whether you are the griever or the one who want to be with the griever, give yourself time, often a lot of time is needed. While sharing your loss can make the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn't mean that every time you interact with friends and family, you need to talk about your loss. Comfort ...

If something makes you sad when it’s ends, it must’ve been pretty wonderful while it was happening.  If you're sad - if you're grieving - I like to tell you Be glad you could love Grateful that you could have felt loved. Thank you for so many good years Grateful for so much that you had. Thank you, my dear wife - thank you for having a good time together To be honest, yes we do have so many sad things in our world - but you should not see the world as sad place and not only the sadness. Everything passes, have to go and dies - let's see the big picture - the good things in life. I have recognized and see it that way ... I hope you can do it as well: I see and understand grief as good and OK - and the grief can stay. I'm thankful for everything that was - what we had - what I had ... Grief is always with you, Grief can stay and remain in present, ... ... it can stay like an old scar which hurts when it rains and 'sky is grey'. And while that perspective may be sc...

My wife was the love of my life I stopped crying, even memories hurt me like a knife Remember everything will be alright Even I know it will be a fight Breaking through the atmosphere And things are pretty good from here We can meet again somewhere Somewhere far away from here Remember all days we had, which we called our own With all those well-loved memories I am now alone. Her lovely smile, endearing gestures, which I knew so well, Are fading, as time passes, with her words, kisses, and her smell. But then there is that moment, that time within the day, Then I feel my wife beside me in that old familiar way. Your birthday, our anniversary is still a celebration for me. These dates confirm that there was my wife and that we were we

While writing my blog, I’m keen to emphasize that my thoughts are mainly based on my own experience - increased by talks I had with other grievers aren’t aimed at any one person, or a particular community, culture or tradition. Instead, it recognizes that our collective ‘society’ - a many-faceted, diverse, rich in variety time and environments - has strong opinions and a very loud voice which influences how we navigate - and talk about grief. As a result, society and 'good' friends, colleagues impose expectations and judges people – especially when they’re grieving – by telling them what they ‘should do’, how long they ‘should’ grieve, and how they ‘must’ feel. If someone doesn’t cry at the funeral, or if someone does cry but for ‘too long’, society assumes there’s something wrong with them. In the recent months I wrote a lot about grief, how to deal with grief and death - but this time I thought it is time to write how to deal with grieving people - for people who ask themsel...

We can only grieve for something or someone  who we loved before. Love can exist without grief - but  grief can only exist by love - but finally one will not exist without the other. Grief asks us to be kind, to ourselves and to others. It demands respect, mindfulness and awareness. Everybody experiences loss, whether it's the loss of a loved one, the ending of a romantic relationship, or any sort of a serious setback in life. The process of dealing with that grief often involves mourning "rituals" that vary across different times and cultures. How ever you do such grief rituals - they will be comforting acts - if they mean something to the individual person.  Such rituals reduce fears and give stability in a new reality. In order to ... process the loss of people to feel the closeness and connection with the deceased to express love and affection for the deceased ... acts of mourning are of elementary importance It is extremely important to allow these emotions, giving t...

In a society in which grief can be experienced, shown and perhaps even can run free, the past, present and future are connected. For me - that#s how I feel it and experiencing it mourning means honoring the past and making the future possible.  There is no life without goodbyes and no aliveness, spontaneousness or love without experiencing loss and change. The time of mourning is a crisis, is a change of 'culture' for oneself but as well for the environment - and experiencing, living, and showing that you are feeling bad, that you have good moments, moments of reminding, ... and so many more experiences with mourning - the rollercoaster of emotions - must have or should have effects on society - therefore also these crisis will have effects on the present society and in the future viability of society. Opportunities, moments, acts, occurrences of mourning are a very central means, action points or points and opportunities to pause for a moment  of actualizing persona...

Social change and our society - it feels more and more that we all have to perform flawlessly, smoothly and effective - there is no time, room for emotions and for sure not for mourning and grieving. The pressure to act and behave smoothly in an accelerating society makes being 'in mourning' a disruptive state that should be limited as much as possible and ended as early as possible. This social pressure or let me call it compulsion is fatal for the mourning experience itself. Time to say farewell - in a good way - in your way  As I've written in previous articles, grief has no final ending, although the pain will subside over time and life will and have to take a new direction. In the perception of most people and as it is seen all too often in society - the expectation is that a grieving process is mostly understood as a temporary times and period with an start and end  - as exceptional state, a state of emergency - a time that should not only be over at some point...

In a talk that's by turns heartbreaking and hilarious, writer and podcaster Nora McInerny shares her hard-earned wisdom about life and death. Her candid approach to something that will, let's face it, affect us all, is as liberating as it is gut-wrenching. Most powerfully, she encourages us to shift how we approach grief. "A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again," she says. "They're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on." Nora McInerny • TEDWomen 2018  •  15 min ... And what I really love is the part where and when she talks about the fact that she slips to the Present Tense when she talks about her deceased husband - and that is what I recognized as well when I talk about my wife - memory are memories - but my wife is still with me - not only in my case I recognized it as well each time when I meet people who find 'their way' to deal with the lost. What I firmly believe and even hope is ...

Saying goodbye Was the hardest thing to do. We had the naive thought, we never have to. We always listened Often no idea what to say, But knowing when to give each other a hug Then there was the day - when you decided to call it a day. No one will ever take your place. I can always promise you this. It's hard to find someone like you, So know you'll always be missed - sealed with a kiss. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  What would I not do for another last hug by you By the stretch of your fingers By the sun up in Heaven,  by the moon and the stars By the blood that flows in my veins and all I feel - especially the pains

Even it is a song full of pain and sorrow ... This song has all in one - sadness, hope and the believe that all was ok, is ok and will be ok. We all are going through changes again and again. But do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. I could not and you can’t change the world alone – you will need some help – and to truly get from your starting point to your destination takes friends, colleagues, the good will of strangers and a strong trust and believe to guide ... today I reminded of a great song of Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne 'Change' Lyrics: I feel unhappy I feel so sad I lost the best friend That I ever had She was my woman I loved her so But it's too late now I've let her go I'm going through changes I'm going through changes We shared the years We shared each day In love together We found a way But soon the world Had its evil way My heart was blinded Love went astray I'm going through changes I'm going through chan...