Mental Health - Widower Experience (WX)

Now more than half a year after my wife left / died with dignity. I learned for myself how to see grief - this is certainly not generally applicable, but maybe one or two will find their way to deal with grieving and mourning. Grief is the visibility, feeling of love, often a huge deep love for a person who died, a beloved one who has gone and is no longer tangible. Love stays and.... Bang! Pow! ... the other one of your love is gone - but love remains. One feels the love / is even more overflowing with love than before.  The longer you are with another person, love changes into a very strong fabric / structure of trust, respect, cohesion and emotional chaos. When the other person is gone, the emotional chaos remains and unexpectedly and out of the blue this 'love' is back - back in your heart and in every part of your body. But what now? Now there was no one left to say that you love the other! No one else is around - to whom you can give or show this love! I was told I could ...

The death ended my wife’s life, but not my love for her. I still love my wife - even there is no reply anymore. Process of mourning  When I think about my process of mourning and my learning of mourning - I think it is important to realize the absence of the deceased. But at the same time, however, there is also the strong wish to be able to continue living this love - for sure in a different form. If I / you can manage to find a way to do it - to continue this love, I firmly believe - it can be a great resource for future life without the deceased. The pain as a constant companion of grief is there, but hope also accompanies it! I have the feeling, the worry … that it will be not easy and also hardly noticeable at first and in the near future, but I believe that it will grow more and more. And I already feel it has become easier while I talk about my wife and the steps my wife and I took, and how my wife got to her decision. Talking to friends, grief counselors, in self-help gr...

Grief is that process that helps us gradually accept the loss and allow the dead to be gone from our lives but always remembered. Because although a loved one may be gone, you can keep their memory and legacy alive by celebrating their life. What I have learned about my loss, it is about to realize that you will never really stop missing the person who left, went or passed away. What I have learned about grief I have the impression that grief is never something I get over AND I currently think I even want not. I firmly think that I will not wake up one morning and say, ‘I’ve conquered that; now I’m moving on. From time to time I admit a thought that grief is just love - love I shared or couldn’t share with my wife- or the love I wanted to give but cannot anymore. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of myself, the tightness of my chest, the lump in my throat, … love with no place to go. By this thought about Love&Grief - you might understand why I thin...

After my wife has died and my wife depended on my care during the past eleven years - a lot or almost everything fell away and almost everything is no longer the same as it used to be. Grief for a loved one can affect anyone and is part of life. Like other crises, I have to go through several phases. It often starts with mixed emotions of shock and denial and blaming myself. Gradually, many different feelings break out, my thoughts keep revolving around the deceased - as in my case around my wife. It was clear to me that I needed and still need a reorientation for myself and my life in order to find a balance. This is how the grief process can typically go – as I learned. The first few weeks were a roller coaster of emotions for me - a swaying and up-and-down between anger, despair, lack of perspective, consolation and pain. I think it's important ... Allowing to grief From day one it was clear to me that I didn't want to numb my pain with pills or alcohol - because...

Today I listened to  Peter Gabriel's song "Don t Give Up" and I wrote this poem ... Don t Give Up We all are struggling right there and now Ahead of me there is a new world that I don't even know It's so hard to cope When mainly there's only hope So many things I will not forget A patchwork of love, joy and regrets. I am hanging on by a thread Staring at the razor's edge But ‘ not gonna step off the ledge Life often seem an endless maze, With twists and turns, lulls and delays, Nonetheless I still believe things will fall into place I taught myself to fight, taught to win Now I am on my way – finding the man I have been I know that it's right Never give up So I just gotta fight Never stop believing Never stop to fight And Carrie Fisher once said: Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What s important is the action. You don't have to wait to be confident. Just do it, and eventually the confidence will follow. Carrie Fisher

In the first days after my wife passed away – my grief surrounded me like a fog. A spongy, thick, nebulous, and vague feeling – a kind of barrier between myself and the world – even common things like having breakfast, lunch or dinner did felt needed.  After 6 weeks spending under and with this ‘fog’ – there is a worry that it might become a part of everyday life – at the same time I think ... “ All I want to do is to feel better ” or “ I want to feel normal ”  … but just a second later I worried and still worry to lose the connection to my wife. But since a few days - while the fog fades -  I realize that I can see a little further in front of me.  Things are more colorful and they’re coming into clarity. The days start getting a little bit easier, the nights a little more restful. I discovered that I had comprehend that my pain has become the expression of my lost love - the way I honor my wife, the one consistent link between living with her and living without h...

Inspired by Amanda Gorman's Poem  "The Hill We Climb"  I wrote the following poem:  Since my wife passed away where can I find light - in this never-ending shade? As nothing feels anymore okay Every day is like a swamp - I must wade Since that awful, dreadful day. I cry my silent tears. It takes my breath away. The silence is deafening to my ears. Her present that filled our rooms at day and night. All this is gone, and all what's left is nothing but memories, And I miss her arms so much which hold me tight, all these memories lead me to silence and tears. But what made my day bright Was remembering Amanda Gorman's poem That there is always light If only we're brave enough to see it If only we're brave enough to be it Amanda Gorman's powerful poem at the inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris: