Life, Dying, Death, Sorrow and Love & Hope

Now more than half a year after my wife left / died with dignity. I learned for myself how to see grief - this is certainly not generally applicable, but maybe one or two will find their way to deal with grieving and mourning.

Grief is the visibility, feeling of love, often a huge deep love for a person who died, a beloved one who has gone and is no longer tangible. Love stays and.... Bang! Pow! ... the other one of your love is gone - but love remains. One feels the love / is even more overflowing with love than before. 

The longer you are with another person, love changes into a very strong fabric / structure of trust, respect, cohesion and emotional chaos. When the other person is gone, the emotional chaos remains and unexpectedly and out of the blue this 'love' is back - back in your heart and in every part of your body. But what now? Now there was no one left to say that you love the other! No one else is around - to whom you can give or show this love!

I was told I could or might still find a new partner, ... What? That's not what it's about for me, I don't want to give anyone else THIS love - OUR love

It's not about replacing something on the outside, it's about finding something on the inside - in myself. When grief has a purpose, an intention or even a goal - I see grief as an expression of the love I had with my wife - a love that is now looking for my wife / the deceased - that just isn't anymore around, but this love can and should now find a new place in myself.

Another important note - I am now grateful from the bottom of my heart that I had the pleasure and I were favored by fortune to feel this extraordinary love, that I can now take encouragement from this love  and  draw on /  regain my strength, power and confidence for me / for the future.

I often thought, and I still think now and then, that I could not and can not stand the pain, and sometimes I thought I couldn't stand the love. Some models of mourning say that mourning is about withdrawing love and the power of love from the deceased so that it can then be redirected into new relationships. I can't really understand this line of thinking. I think and I am already on my way that I will transform the love for my wife into something lasting that I will carry with me that has a wonderful past and a present with good memories and what my wife has enriched me with and by this I can biúild up a stable, new, inner relationship with my wife and complete it  and  I can carry her with me in my heart. By this approach - I firmly believe that my love to my wife will have its place inside myself  and I can find someone new in the future. It's not about replacing, it's about developing and finding something new to live for and with.

Grief with all its feelings, the great pain and sadness is so right, true and important. Yes, yes, it hurts and it will hurt . hurt a lot - nobody wants to be hurt. Feelings arise from thoughts. You have the power to influence feelings by thinking differently - by different thoughts. Letting go bad feeling begins with a single phrase: "I'm ready to let go." Now, whenever pain comes and you think about the pain, think about letting go as well, or after a while, whatever you want to let go of, stop thinking and let the monkey mind / these recurring thoughts go  by  saying  'STOP!' and says "I'm ready to let go".

I feel a growing vitality that is emerging, I also know that there will still be valleys of pain and sadness - but that's OK - they may come but also go again - if we bravely and full of love commit ourselves through this deep valley of sadness everything will be fine.