Mental Health - Widower Experience (WX)

“The Last Smile” I wanted to hold you, keep you here with me ... but love sometimes means letting go when the one you love has suffered too long. Eleven years of fighting through the storm, through endless nights when nothing felt warm. I held your hand when the darkness came, whispering hope through the tears and the pain. We stood together where the shadows grew, facing every battle that came for me and you. And when the silence finally called your name, you found your peace and escaped the flame. Your final look was not fear, not pain, no more battles, no more chains. A smile on your lips, a peaceful goodbye, your final wish, you chose the time to fly. I wanted to hold you, keep you here with me, to fight one more fight, to make you believe. But love sometimes means letting go when the one you love has suffered too long. I let you go, but I still hold on to the part of me where your love lives on. Time won’t heal what mattered most, it only teaches me how to carry your ghost. I lear...

Gedichte für die Seele / von meiner Seele - Zu allen Zeiten haben sich Menschen dem Moment, der Seele angenommen und haben es verstanden, mit ihren Gedichten neuen Lebensmut zu wecken, so geht es mir auch. Ich gebe mir, gebe anderen, bekomme von anderen ... Gedicht sind auch nur Worte, aber Worte die in dieser Form noch viel schönere, noch tiefere Bilder malen, Emotionen wecken, stärken und einfach helfen. Poems for the Soul / from my Soul - Throughout time, people have embraced the moment, the soul, and have managed to ignite a new zest, inspiration, or joy for life with their poems, and that's how I feel too. I give to myself, to others, I receive from others ... A poem is also just a collection of words, but words that in this way and form paint even more beautiful, even deeper images, awaken emotions, strengthen and simply help.  

Saying good-bye and letting go of what was, transforming to what lies ahead. In 2023, a lot happened. I can't even begin to describe how much it means in words. Many of us experienced growth, change, ... you name it - so many changed that only a few years ago we could not have imagined. In your struggle, nobody is alone. You're not the only one who worries about what might happen next. And more and more, we all become aware of the little and significant shifts in who we are, how we perceive the world and reality, and how our awareness has changed.  Our drive to achieve goals is influenced by our level of confidence, which is why I wrote an article a few days ago. Having a confident base is essential while trying to modify our unhealthy habits or adopt new, healthier ones. Confidence plays a role in our motivation to pursue goals and so when we address how to change our existing undesirable behavior (e.g., excess eating, drinking, vaping, spending), or want to pursue new healthy...

In my other blog , I write extensively about AI, KI, ChatGPT, and other such topics. I have greatly enjoyed (and I still do it) my roles as an architect, designer, craftsman, paramedic, and more, mostly because they are all about serving people. Even though my work is often abstract and doesn't directly connect with emotional or spiritual aspects, I believe that everything I do is heartfelt and it's meant to touch another heart. Whether it's through creating human-centered designs or architecture, or by providing mental, psychological, and physical support, my aim is to make people feel good. In the end, I've noticed that poems, often written by empathetic people, are a wonderful way of communicating messages from one soul to another. And closing my introductory words - yes KI and ChatGPT etc. can write poems - but they do not come from heart and soul. People like Sarah Kay ... Sarah Kay, performing "‘B’ If I Should Have a Daughter" In 2011, at a TED Conferenc...

Watching the night,  the moon is so bright I don't care what I do I am thinking of you The Moon, will be my guide In its blue, blue shadows, I will hide All good people, asleep tonight I'm all by myself, in the silver light Lying in mother earth's arms The primal root of a woman's charms Tomorrow's rain will wash my footprints and marks away But something in my memory and mind will always stay I realize that nothing is and will be as it seems and I am still here, moved by my dreams My life is like a puzzle, a wandering maze I'm sure I won't understand 'til the end of my days There are experience on loss and emotions who won't die There are experience on love where the ink will never dry I've been searching long enough I will continue watching the stars and the moon above 

The day, the hour and minute my wife decided to pass away - the day, hour and minute she did it and when she was buried I will never ever forget. I know the word 'anniversary' is the one we use for such days - but in this context of dying, I do not like it - as I connect the word 'anniversary' with joy and fun - positive events. That's why I prefer the words: 'day of remembrance' Grief is a natural response to loss - and if you really loved someone, something - grief will stay as long as you remember the loved one - and that is OK. In the first days, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.Whatever type of loss you’ve suffered, there’s no right or wrong way of grieving - and a mixture or selection of these feelings will come up from time to time. from experiences to experiences even after years - and this OK as well. Plan ahead for...

I still see, feel and smell my wife and my own heartbeat drive me mad In the stillness of remembering what we had It's OK but at the same time - also sad. Love, a tiny word, chosen to represent so much Feelings inside, that the senses can hardly touch. Lonely are the nights Lonely are the days Lonely am I, in so many ways My mind is all too often so loud with no way to get it silent or to break out it is time to cut these ties and chains I let them go - the shadows and pains I see the good moods richly colored like a graffiti on a wall. It's a tough battle, I stand and fall, but more often I am standing tall.

My wife was the love of my life I stopped crying, even memories hurt me like a knife Remember everything will be alright Even I know it will be a fight Breaking through the atmosphere And things are pretty good from here We can meet again somewhere Somewhere far away from here Remember all days we had, which we called our own With all those well-loved memories I am now alone. Her lovely smile, endearing gestures, which I knew so well, Are fading, as time passes, with her words, kisses, and her smell. But then there is that moment, that time within the day, Then I feel my wife beside me in that old familiar way. Your birthday, our anniversary is still a celebration for me. These dates confirm that there was my wife and that we were we

I believe in true love - I always did. I believe in love at first sight. I believe love conquers all. I believe it can feel weird but all so right. And that doesn't mean there's not gonna be hard days or difficult things to deal with, because there will be. But finding that person who does it for you and knowing that person loves you too will makes everything so much easier and set you free.

Saying goodbye Was the hardest thing to do. We had the naive thought, we never have to. We always listened Often no idea what to say, But knowing when to give each other a hug Then there was the day - when you decided to call it a day. No one will ever take your place. I can always promise you this. It's hard to find someone like you, So know you'll always be missed - sealed with a kiss. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  What would I not do for another last hug by you By the stretch of your fingers By the sun up in Heaven,  by the moon and the stars By the blood that flows in my veins and all I feel - especially the pains

We often have to walk a challenging path Beneath smoking skies Sometimes you can barely tell the difference Between darkness and lights Oh, it won't rain all the time The sky won't fall forever And the night seems long 'n' feels like crime there will be friends and we stand together Sometime life feels wrong, and And the days and nights seem long It's hard to believe that love will prevail But you, we stand together and we are strong It won't rain all the time and sky won't fall forever And your tears might fall There will be friends and we stand tall A poem for a friend   -   August 2022

New Year's Eve - late at night Remembering of the recent years Thinking of my girl I've had so long Along my face are running the tears All the emotions I currently feel, Seeing all the shadows around me so strong Lost love is scariest and hardest to heal. mixed emotions, but at least I'm not sad Holding onto happiness that my wife and I had, When you ask me why ` we close our eyes when we pray,  as well when we cry,  kiss or dream - that is easy to say Because the most beautiful things in life  are not seen but felt by the heart. Isn't it smart?

Life's what you make it Even joy in life is faded You can't escape it Sure you can hate it Nothing can change it And nobody can back date it Please, don't try to shade it Beauty is often buried Make the best of it Celebrate it Anticipate it Life's what you make it And a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt “ Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be. ” May the new year bring you and yours health , prosperity ,  peace , and a lot of good moments of joy , and happiness .  Let your dreams leave positive marks in the new year! All the best to all of you!

Oh meine liebe Frau ich sehe dein Gesicht im Morgen- und Abendlicht Oh meine Liebe, wie schön du warst Für Dich da zu sein war für mich nie eine Pflicht Wenn du mich angelacht hast Und wenn du mich ansahst war alles Ok und gut für mich Ich vermisse Dich Manchmal tanze ich noch mit dir Wir kannten uns in- und auswendig Und du wusstest so viel von mir und ich von dir Ich trug and trag dich immer, immer bei mir

I promised to love you, to protect you from all harm, and to care for you. To keep you safe throughout the nights keep you warm. Sometimes I wonder how it came to this Just don't think to spare me this Perhaps the truth and time can set me free From the half truths ensnaring me A black hole of intensity collapses on its density And sucks me to a darker place that hides behind blank space and a broken face When you left me the patterns in the distant stars the loose threads of our lives' loom When you walked into a room The smell of your perfume The taste of your skin All those bitter reminders How do I wake up, how do I sleep? How do I laugh now, I can't even weep? Where do I run to, where do I hide? The sand, it falls in the hour glass And time slips through our fingers fast and I have no idea how long it will last I am searching for peace of mind but also keeping our love in mind

Inspired by Amanda Gorman's Poem  "The Hill We Climb"  I wrote the following poem:  Since my wife passed away where can I find light - in this never-ending shade? As nothing feels anymore okay Every day is like a swamp - I must wade Since that awful, dreadful day. I cry my silent tears. It takes my breath away. The silence is deafening to my ears. Her present that filled our rooms at day and night. All this is gone, and all what's left is nothing but memories, And I miss her arms so much which hold me tight, all these memories lead me to silence and tears. But what made my day bright Was remembering Amanda Gorman's poem That there is always light If only we're brave enough to see it If only we're brave enough to be it Amanda Gorman's powerful poem at the inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris: