Empathy - What it is - Why it Matters - How to Practice

Feeling to stand or even work in somebody else’s shoes, to anticipate how they see through their eyes, feel what they feel, that’s how good life can happen, good relations run and peace exist. And it’s up to me, you and evryone who is open to be empathic to let it happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.

Authentic Life and Empathy

Living an authentic life was always something I did. I defined myself as someone who isn’t afraid to be true to who I am, including my personality, values, and principles in life. I didn't bother compromising the entirety of who I am just for the comfort of others. Rather, I most often stuck to who I am regardless of what others think of me. But as I grow older, and faced a number of really challenging things in live including a few on a knife edge - step by step I realized I can live even more authentic and honest when I let people closer at me and that I can grow by that. I learned that a team, a society, a family is more than just a group of people and that a good relation is build on authenticity - but for me as young boy there was always something missing.

And so I’ve been thinking a lot about what it really means to live an authentic life. What are the things we do, day in and day out in private life and in our jobs, that add up to a meaningful existence? For me it is authenticity and honesty but the missing key for a number of people is empathy - empathy is key to others for sure - but even more it is a key to yourself.

And yet, so many of us seem to struggle with empathy - putting themself in others shoes. We get wrapped up in our own little worlds and forget how to see things from other people’s perspectives.

A Skill, an Ability or Capacity

Empathy is an emotion as well as a skill, ability or capacity. Empathy opens or widens the angle to understand things from another person's perspective. It's the ability to share or sense someone else's feelings and emotions and understand why they're having those feelings and in best case anticipate actions, reactions, etc. Empathy is important in almost every aspect of daily life and privately and business. It allows us to have compassion for others, relate to friends, loved ones, co-workers, and strangers, and it has a large benefit impact on the world.

Empathy from a Global Perspective to Private Life and Business

Empathy from a global perspective is extremely important, and I would even call it vital and indispensable, especially when it leads to compassion. This type of empathy pushes people to dive in and help when there are major disasters. People are willing to help out others that they have never met because they know that they too would need help if things were reversed. And as sidenote, we need it more than ever before in our crazy world with Corona and wars and the growing number of dictatorial regime and leaders.

As you might already guessed it or know it empathy is important for society as a whole - as each people’s relationships with one another build the foundation of our society. When we are more emphatic, it brings us closer together. It helps to establish and set up a positiv attitude in our lives and the lives of those around us. 

For most people at work is teamwork indispensable. For things that require a group effort, it's extremely important to take the time to relate to co-workers. Even if people are not specifically working on one project, it is still important to get along with fellow workers. Using empathy is a vital part of a smooth working relationship. Without it, it's much easier to fall into disputes and disagreements. It is also highly important for management being emphatic. Leaders who lack empathy are likely to subject their employees to unfair practices. Managers who are without empathy may push employees to work beyond what is healthy and reasonable or may be unduly harsh when an employee makes a mistake. According to research, empathetic people perform better independently where one has his / her roles on a team. So, really, developing and practicing empathy is in everyone’s best interests.

And empathy self-evidently will help in your personal life as well.

Healthy relationships require nurture, care, and understanding and if it lacks empathy and understanding I would worry that it will soon flounder. When people only think of their own interests, the other people in the relationships will suffer. A while ago I already wrote an article about the aspects of a balanced and good relationship (even I wrote the article in German - it is good to know that each browser offers great translation options). No two people are ever going to think exactly alike, and no two people are going to have the same experiences. Seeing things from other's perspectives increase not only the understand of others and especially in a relation for the spouse it will as well increase conception of environment, society and the world - sounds big? Yes empathy is a big thing.

Everyone in a relationship brings their own ideas, life experiences, and struggles. Without taking the time to try to relate to one another's feelings and perspectives, people in relationships will likely feel unloved, unappreciated, unnoted ... and lead to a crisis. Without compassionate empathy, the world or private relations would be a much darker and a less great place to live, environment and relations.

Suggestions for enhancing your emphatic abilities

Listening not only Hearing

One of the simplest ways to improve your emphatic skills are to making conscious efforts to listen. When we take the time to listen to the things that other people are telling us it is an easy way of understanding how they think and feel.
Even it sounds easy - really listening is best achieved when we set aside our own thoughts, opinions and judgements. And then afterward - you should start to carefully think about what the person told you.
Consider reading / listening between the lines and imagining yourself in a similar situation. It may appear to be a lot of work, but the benefits of being an empathic person are well worth the effort.
We can also do a better job of listening when we set aside distractions like our mobiles, irritating noises and devices etc.When we give our undivided attention to others it gives us an opportunity to truly understand their point of view.
Listening to other people can also teach you how to respond more effectively. As a result, you have a much better idea of assisting them. In times of crisis, simply listening to people can feel like a huge help. It makes the other person feel heard, even if you cannot relate to their specific situation.

Emotionality and Vulnerability

As mentioned before being a good listener is an integral part of developing your emphatic skills. Allow the other to be emotional and allow it as well yourself and to be vulnerable. And that leads and means that you should find the right moments to talk and share - even this does not mean that you step in every pause for reflection / for thought - give the speaker time. But as mentioned if you listen carefully you will realize when to share your thoughts adding to the others.It might sound ironically, but allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of others helps you become more empathetic and stronger.
It is critical to understand that an emphatic connection is a ping-pong-game and a two-way street. When you share your feelings and emotions openly with others, you not only opening the doors for others emotions - subconsciously you build and increase your own emphatic skills.

I can get the worry of someone telling me that they find it difficult to be vulnerable in front of others.

It’s scary to expose the deepest parts of yourselves, but it’s the only way to have genuine connections and true contentment in life. To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength. There’s nothing more beautiful than authenticity. There’s nothing stronger than vulnerability. There’s most often no better time than now 👍 

I firmly believe that you will not develope and improve your own empathic skills if you do not express yourself and allow yourself to be vulnerable. No matter how hard you try.

Another Hint is "Put yourself in the Shoes of Others"

Imagining oneself in the situation or circumstances of another person, so as to understand or empathize with their perspective, opinion, or point of view is a common and everyday business of designers - but for most other people it will be new. Making a conscious effort to show empathy is one of the first steps to start to put yourself in the shoes of others.

It is not difficult, but it does require conscious effort and some time before empathy becomes a natural emotion for you. And after a while you can start to walk in others shoes and feel the needs, feel what they feel (even partly), and even worry and anger. Even an emotion like worry or anger is a natural emotion for some people. However, others will do not find it as easy. As every emotion especially these are very unique. As already mentioned before as good listener try to keep your judgmental thoughts at bay until you’ve heard the other side of the story completely.

A few hints to boost your emotional intelligence by displaying more empathy

Recognize youself

It might sound surprising but to work on you empathy - it starts with yourself - the first step is to recognize your biases and refuse to let them overshadow other people’s experiences. Who can say from oneself that she or he is not predisposed to certain things. It is not surprising that everyone has her or his preferences and opinions. Being more open to other's view points and new experiences, people, and ways of doing things is essential for developing your empathetic skills.

Seek talks with honesty and beyond shallowness

We all enjoy easygoing, carefree talks - but for emphathy it is essential that you hear the person behind the sentences - beyond small talks are the emotions. Perhaps at the next opportunity see a friend, family or acquaintance try to go beyond the usual small talk and genuinely show interest in their daily lives. And do the same as soon as you feel good with it - start such a talk with a colleague or on acquaintance that are not that closer.

Spread you talks e.g. more diverse connections

Learning, getting in touch, and understanding the different types of 'stand by', help, or support that different people require is one of the most important aspects of becoming more empathetic. Some people simply need a listening ear, while others require more verbal communication, and still, others prefer comfortable silence. Spread your horizon, come into contact and stay in communication with people of different genders, races, and socioeconomic backgrounds. It provides a much broader perspective and many different ways to look at things.

Closing Thoughts

Imagine a world full of empathetic people. People who reach out to one another. People who choose to accept more than expect. Those who don’t look out for only themselves. I think empathy makes people understand that there are responsibilities that they might not have been handed, but ones that if they take upon will benefit the society as a whole.

My thoughts and articles are my way of holding your hand and taking you towards a kinder and truly humane world. If you want, you can choose to hold on. I wish you beautiful moments in life! If this made you think, carry the conversation forward and share this with your family, friends and colleagues.

Quote

 “Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.” – Alfred Adler

“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.” –Maya Angelou

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