Mourning - 4 Hints dealing with Grief - finding yourself on the shady side of life

When it comes to grief, all heartbroken people hide and are silent - even they would have a lot to say but don't do it. And as nobody shows up openly, we don't know what grief is. Anyone who loses a loved one experiences something completely new and strange - find themselves in a situation that is more painful than almost any other.

Four hints / things / advices

...  (or call them as you like😊)  ... I would like to share thes four with - and perhaps I can help you with grieving.

First of all - Death is Not an Emergency - So take Your time 

When someone dies, there is only one thing that matters: saying goodbye. There’s no right or wrong way to say farewell to someone you love. Sometimes we get the chance to say our goodbyes face-to-face. But at other times, this may not be possible.

• Please remember, take your time and do what feels right to YOU.
• Please take the time that feels right for you. 

Depending on the federal state, the deceased may stay at home for between 24-48 hours. It's different in hospitals, of course, but you should still be aware that you have a right to say goodbye here too. If in doubt, seek a conversation with the doctor and take the time you are entitled to with this person.

You can cry or not - Do what feels OK for You

It's very common for the world around us to assume that we cry almost all the time when we're grieving. This is just as true as the fact that the grieving process is over after a few weeks. Bullsh... !  Feelings always take their own paths and time.

Just as individual as everyone's grief is, so are the valves and visible elements when we mourn. Not everyone cries a lot, but sometimes all the more, others cry a lot and others really hardly cry at all. All of this is completely normal and OK. I've been looking for an way to blow off my steam / to vent my pain and anger - I tried it for a long time and I immediately thought that maybe it would be better to be able to cry, but that wasn't the case. Grieving is individual - follow your feelings. And dear male readers crying is even perhaps your way too. Crying is not a must, but it may help - but not everyone.

Speech is Silver, Writing is Gold

Speaking about the emotions - is for sure one of the best and first ways in order to blow off steam / to vent your pain and anger. We know the option we have that help us with problems and challenges in everyday life and on our jobs: e.g. a phone call to a good friend, regular exercise to clear our thoughts or long walks in the forest and see the things we can be thankful for. 

Sometimes these "old" resources can do us a lot of good even in grief, or we find new, creative ways - as I mentioned in articles before that there are even creative methods which might help one or two - find ways to understand the situation. to understand the emotions and to find new paths in live - write down, draw your emotions - nobody must read it, must see it but just by putting the thoughts on a paper or other medium will or might help you. It's worth trying everything - give yourself room!

New experience, New future, New people

After a loss, we will very quickly feel that the future is difficult to imagine without this person. Once we come to terms with that at some point, it is quite possible that new acquaintances will make us sad because they have nothing to do with our old life or the deceased person. However, it is important to face this phenomenon with love and understanding. We shouldn't all close our minds, but rather learn to take our loved one with us into our future and also give new people the chance to get to know them through stories and tales.

Two quotes by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it."

"Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.”

Article regarding grieving and positive thinking

How to deal with grieving and positive thinking (English)

Artikel rund um Trauer, Sterben bis hin zu Depressiven Stimmungen  (Deutsch)