Mental Health - Widower Experience (WX)

Death and dying are challenging subjects for many people - often a taboo in our society. Many people suppress the thought of the end of life and especially of their life. Old or chronically ill people who are tormented by fear of pain, dependence and helplessness often feel just as alone as relatives of dying people. This is where the hospice and palliative care movement comes into play. Their basic idea: Every person should be able to die safely, accompanied by understanding human care and as painlessly as possible - and that means with dignity. One thing we know for sure: we will die. And yet many people are completely unprepared for the news that this final phase of their life has begun. Others thinking, considering, balancing long and intensively with death – their own and that of their nearest and dearest. But they too are often afraid - not just of pain, but of losing control over their own bodies and over their own lives. Before being at the mercy. Some people are so afraid of e...

... that is a quote from the comedy, medical drama sitcom series Scrubs. And I will link you to the recording at the end of this article. And one or two might think - isn't this blog about life, death and grieving, why mentioning and linking to a sitcom series - and my answer is YES - I hear you. And here comes the 'but' or 'because'. As I firmly believe that we have to take each of the three aspect seriously; I firmly believe or I know that the bandwidth is broad and deep and far away from each other but in the very next moment they are close, very close and even can become congruent.  Death, end of life, serious illness and humor Curt Goetz, who was a Swiss German writer, actor and film director once said: "Anyone who knew how to die with humor would have reached the highest level of culture" I guess my wife didn't knew this quote. But she lived that way, lived her last weeks, days and hours to her very last second. We should or have to remember , wh...

The movie "The Room Next Door" by Almodóvar offers a captivating story that captivates the viewer from beginning to end - at least it did for me - by the way, I watched the movie in its original version - but this will not make a difference for the German version. With a phenomenal cast including Tilda Swinton and Julianne Moore, impressive visuals, and a gripping plot, this movie is an unforgettable cinema experience, which I had. From Almodóvar's "The Room Next Door," I take away the essence that life is fleeting, fragile, but can also be 'breaking,' full of beauty and connections to things, experiences, and above all to other people. This movie invites us and everyone to become aware of our own vulnerability and to appreciate the importance of deep human relationships. It also reminds us, at least it does for me, that it is never too late to seek reconciliation and restore connections with old friends or loved ones. It reminds us to appreciate the pre...

I am convinced that the individual and general right of personality of everybody encompasses a right to an autonomous living and also a self-determined death. I firmly believe in freedom, respect and dignity and as a last consequence it must include the freedom to take one’s own life and, as the case may be, resort to assistance provided voluntarily by third parties for this purpose. When I talk about third parties - I think of medical, anesthetic, professional, and psychological support by experts - experts like medical practitioner, psychologist, and other experts perhaps also palliative and hospice care. It should be beyond all question that the consideration and the act of a self-determined death and assisted dying isn’t easy for anybody. When an individual decides to end their own life - came to this ultimate decision - basing and founding on individual and personal definitions of their own thinking, perception and believing of their quality of life and a meaningful existence. ...

Archbishop Desmond Tutu has died at the age of 90 Desmond Tutu has said he would like the option of ending his life through assisted dying as he called on politicians, lawmakers and religious leaders to take action on the issue. In an article published about 7 years ago -  the emeritus archbishop of Cape Town and anti-apartheid activist reiterated his support for assisted dying: "Dying people should have the right to choose how and when they leave Mother Earth" Please read the original text on The Guardian  or if it is not longer available Here is a copy: Desmond Tutu plea for 'assisted dying' before historic Lords debate During all my years of pastoral care, I have never had the privilege of being with someone when they die. I've visited dying colleagues and friends at St Luke's hospice, Cape Town, in the last period of their lives; I've witnessed their being cared for beautifully – but I've never been there at the exact moment of passing. I've be...

After my wife has died and my wife depended on my care during the past eleven years - a lot or almost everything fell away and almost everything is no longer the same as it used to be. Grief for a loved one can affect anyone and is part of life. Like other crises, I have to go through several phases. It often starts with mixed emotions of shock and denial and blaming myself. Gradually, many different feelings break out, my thoughts keep revolving around the deceased - as in my case around my wife. It was clear to me that I needed and still need a reorientation for myself and my life in order to find a balance. This is how the grief process can typically go – as I learned. The first few weeks were a roller coaster of emotions for me - a swaying and up-and-down between anger, despair, lack of perspective, consolation and pain. I think it's important ... Allowing to grief From day one it was clear to me that I didn't want to numb my pain with pills or alcohol - because...

Zwischen Fürsorge und Freiheit Angebote am Lebensende verstehen Was am Ende zählt: Begleitung, Möglichkeiten, Klarheit Wenn ein Mensch mit einer unheilbaren Erkrankung konfrontiert ist, stehen er und seine Angehörigen oft vor einer Fülle von Fragen – medizinischer, pflegerischer, aber auch ganz persönlicher Natur. In dieser Situation ist es entscheidend, die bestehenden Möglichkeiten der Palliativ- und Hospizversorgung zu kennen. Denn nur wer informiert ist, kann eine Entscheidung treffen, die dem eigenen Leben und Sterben gerecht wird. Ob im Krankenhaus, zu Hause, im Hospiz oder begleitet durch ein Netzwerk: Es gibt vielfältige Formen der Unterstützung – professionell und ehrenamtlich, stationär oder ambulant. Sie alle verfolgen ein gemeinsames Ziel: die Lebensqualität so gut wie möglich zu erhalten und ein Sterben in Würde zu ermöglichen. Doch auch das bewusste Nein zu bestimmten Angeboten kann eine stimmige Entscheidung sein. Wenn ein Mensch – nach gründlicher Auseinandersetzung u...