Dealing With Changes in Private and Professional Life

Have you ever asked yourself or wondered why we set off any kind of celebrations on special days like birthdays, anniversaries or for instance on New Year’s Eve? - Well substantially  and essentially it's about dealing with change.

Dealing with change and adjusting to change doesn’t have to be as stressful as it often is - but whether we like it, want it, or what ever - from time to time there are changes which do or will be challenging..

And even you know this quote - let me phrase it again:
Change is an inevitable part of life. It happens whether we’re ready or not. 

Change is everywhere and continually in our lives. Regardless, change can be difficult and threatening to deal with. Going back to the mentioned celebrations of birthdays, anniversaries or for instance on New Year’s Eve. Celebrating these milestones and changes we set a marker, we set off fireworks, make as much noise as we can, and for instance - taking about New Year's Eve - we hope that all that light and noise wards off the evil spirits and keeps us safe in the year to come.

In this article, I like to share possible ways and means of dealing with change in your private and professional life - how to control it where you can, and how to adapt to change when the changes are out of your control. I like to and want to show you the opportunities, how to take care of yourself throughout the tricky process of adapting to change. And coping with change.

Changes and new situations can cause stress or even a lot of stress which can affect your mental and physical health.

Whether it’s a new boss, colleague or other person you have to or want to deal with at work or a loved one who seems suddenly to be behaving differently, change is inherently unsettling. 

In this context I like to mention what Paul Ekman a psychologist Paul who described six types of emotions.

Fear, surprise, sadness, enjoyment, disgust, anger. 

When you think about that, those are six general emotion categories and only 1/6th is about positive.
So we spend most of our time kind of noises like “Agh!, Ugh!, Shh!” and these expressions of your face. This is consistent with how we manage any kind of big event, challenging moments in our life, especially grief.
This curve by Kübler-Ross ...

describes what happens when you discover something has changed and you're like, "Oh, I don't like that change." And you kind of try to find your way back. Some people can't make it their way back. Some people are stuck in depression, sadly. Some people do actually barely make it back but they're never the same person. So emotion is about human beings experiencing change. And remember, 5/6th of the reactions are negative and this is consistent.

As said I like to share possible ways and means of dealing with change in your private and professional life:

1. Identify What's Up

The first step in dealing with change is to identify clearly what's going on. Too often, for the reasons discussed above, we just feel stressed out or generally anxious, without zeroing in on the real problem.
It can be as simple as this: name the problem and acknowledge your emotional reaction to it.

In former articles I wrote about Design Thinking Methods - and here I like to name a few methods, try out what works best for you and your challenge in life, this might be or will be different over time and one might works better or worse from one situation to the other.

brainstorming, empathy-mapping, mind-mapping or combine it with a method well known from the family system therapy the family constellations - all of them are well tried, tested and successful methods but they have to fit to you and your way to get self-awareness and awareness of the challenge and emotions.

The first step in dealing with change is to identify clearly what's going on. If that’s something you’re facing, first acknowledge that it’s the cause of your stress. Then ask yourself for instance the following questions - and what your reaction is:

• Is there a problem with a particular person?
• Are you worried about something, someone, a relation or connection?
• Is your own job, a team setting, a project or task which you loved at risk?
• What exactly is going on?

Just state what it is, how are feeling, how you’re reacting to it. For now, don’t worry about figuring out how to deal with the change or challenge. You’ll get to that later. 

2. Take Control If You Can

Knowing the difference between the things we can control and the things we can’t is a topic that comes up frequently, both in my own self-reflection and in conversations with clients too. It manifests in many contexts and situations but always comes back to a single principles:

There are two types of change: things you can control and things you can't. And we must keep in mind, we can control our input, but we can’t control the outcome. A for instance new boss will usually fall into the category of “things you can’t control”. Regarding the things outside your control, focus on adjusting to change, not fighting it. 
Nevertheless there are or will be plenty of things, actions etc.which you can take control. Even if the change is happening at least partly because of outside causes, there are things you can do to counteract it or at least to effectively influence the direction of the change. So an appropriate strategy here wouldn't be acceptance, but taking action.

Focusing on what we can’t control often takes our energy and attention away from what we can control. Learn to accept it, even if it's not what you want, and adapt to the new reality. And figure out how you can operate effectively within it. Once you’ve made that mental adjustment, you’ll find there are plenty of much more effective things you can do

• What can you control in this situation? Make a list
• What can’t you control in this situation? Make a list.
• Being honest with yourself, on which of the above things are you spending most of your energy and attention right now?
• How can you focus more on the things you can control? What would that look like?

3. But Avoid Avoidance

Even it is a natural reaction to challenges to stick ones head in the sand - sometime wait and wonder isn't the worst - but making a habit to await the issue, the outcome or awaiting the course of events should be not your golden rule. A little escapism is harmless enough as a temporary fix, but when ignoring reality becomes a habit, you’re in big trouble.
Stop trying to avoid change, and start dealing with change.

4. Balance Yourself - See Yourself and See the Positive

Dealing with change in life, at home, at sports or on the job can be difficult and draining, so be compassionate with yourself.
Some people like to journal about their worries or to clear their mind through mindfulness meditation.
While you’re figuring out how to adapt to change and putting plans in place to survive and thrive in the new environment, you’ll need to make self-care a priority. 
And well, consider seeing a coach, therapist or other professional who can help you talk through it all - when things get really tough, there’s no substitute for one-on-one help from an experienced professional.

We tend to view change through the lens of concerns, worries or even anxiety and fear, but often there's a positive aspect, some light or even a moonshine even to something that seems like bad news and dark future.
And yes and sure - you may well be rolling your eyes at this point. We’re so often urged to “look on the bright side” or “be more positive,” and it can feel false or dishonest to try to be positive about something bad.

• The bank’s letter could finally force you to deal with a gradual financial slide that’s been going on for years.
• Facing the prospect of a breakup may help you to breathe new life into your partnership - or the partnership may indeed fall apart, but you may start an exciting new chapter in your life afterwards.

And just to stress one more time - finding the positive does not mean denying the negative and adopting a permanent smiley face. And for sure - dealing with change is a tough process. Balancing and being flexible will help - I mean by that adapting to new realities and finding new meaning opens you new perspectives.
The key thing to remember is that change is an ongoing and persistent constant in your, in my , ino ur lives - always and everywhere, and it may take away the outer things in your life (family, partner, friends, job, status, money, etc.), but it doesn’t have to change who you are and the things that are most important to you. 

How do you deal with change most effectively? I am still a learner - but what I know is it is no good to fight against it, but by taking advantage of the new opportunities change creates.

Think of the arrival of the internet - I started a whole new career with the new media hype - and now we face the machine learning and artificial intelligence - all of these changes caused, causes and will cause huge disruptions, changes in almost every traditional area of our lives at home, on the go, at work and the disappearance or decline of very old, or not that old established business models.
Some companies died, a lot of jobs and even job areas passed away during this new media hype and the years after, and some a huge number of others appeared. But many of the old, established companies weathered the storm and took advantage of the new opportunities available to them. They went online and started establishing whole new worldwide client bases to make up for the decline in sales from their brick-and-mortar stores.

It is up to you and up to everyone to see the new opportunities and taking advantage of them. Think of yourself as a surfer, and I see myself as a surfer in my life, even I almost almost drowned in the Pacific Ocean - see yourself surrounded by the high and low tides of life, the constantly moving ocean but bobbing around safely until you spot a wave and catch it.

5. Final Thought

Analyse what happened and how you reacted, and prepare yourself to deal with change better and better every time it comes around.

You’ll probably still feel some discomfort, but you should be able to move through it and take action to navigate the changes successfully.

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