Mental Health - Widower Experience (WX)

I believe in death with dignity. It has different labels and definitions … assisted dying assisted suicide voluntary euthanasia … but ultimately it’s about dying with dignity and in peace. Death with dignity must be a human right: to retain autonomy until the very end and, before one’s body is overtaken by pain, if the quality of one’s life is or will became unbearable, to decide to end one‘s suffering; the dignity comes from exercising the choice. No matter how old, how young, how rich or poor, how sick or healthy - whoever is tired of life has the right commit suicide and to get help with suicide. The German Constitutional Court took a clear stand on assisted suicide in February 2020. For me, this topic is about autonomy, individuality, self-determination and own and unique perspective on life and what comes after, as well as when and how it should happen. The decision to commit suicide affects fundamental questions of human existence and like no other decision affects ...

Dealing with a topic like death and dying is not easy for most people. Especially when it comes to death and dying in their personal environment, many people don't know at all how to deal with it. But that was not always the case, because there were times when death was, so to speak, a constant companion of people. Today we don't come into contact with death that much as our ancestors in the past. There are several reasons one is, the general life expectancy of people is increasing due to improved living conditions and modern medicine.  The global life expectancy at birth for women is 75 years old and for men, it’s 70 years old. However, in America, the average life expectancy for women is 81 years and for men 77 years. On average, a woman lives 82 years and a man only 76 years in Germany. In the erstwhile centenaries things were quite different. On average, the people in previous years of the turn-of-the-century 1891-1900 men only became 40 years old and women 44 years old in...

... that is a quote from the comedy, medical drama sitcom series Scrubs. And I will link you to the recording at the end of this article. And one or two might think - isn't this blog about life, death and grieving, why mentioning and linking to a sitcom series - and my answer is YES - I hear you. And here comes the 'but' or 'because'. As I firmly believe that we have to take each of the three aspect seriously; I firmly believe or I know that the bandwidth is broad and deep and far away from each other but in the very next moment they are close, very close and even can become congruent.  Death, end of life, serious illness and humor Curt Goetz, who was a Swiss German writer, actor and film director once said: "Anyone who knew how to die with humor would have reached the highest level of culture" I guess my wife didn't knew this quote. But she lived that way, lived her last weeks, days and hours to her very last second. We should or have to remember , wh...

There are many forces that divide us in the world: politics, religion, beliefs to name just a few. What unites us is the desire to live with dignity. But not all political systems and religious beliefs give or allow everyone the identical, same or similar opportunities - so many people on our planet fight to ensure that they and their loved ones can have a dignified life and, ultimately, self-determined living until a dignified end. Dignity is one of the most important things to the human spirit. At least that is my firm believe, even if some religious and political views see it differently. Everyone has the right to lead a dignified life and to realize and try to unfold their potential and to find their personal joy of life and happiness. Young, old, rich, poor - anywhere in the world we all have the right to be treated with dignity. We treat others with dignity whenever we help other, stand up for a friend or recognize the qualities and talents that make each of us special. When thin...

My guiding principles: You can only choose to a limited extent when you die and also only to a limited extent how you die. But YOU can decide HOW you live. And that will tell you how you don't want to live. Life and love can be so wonderful. Joy and pain can be that close And something new can always happen and you think you're in heaven. But if life has no more good moments, no surprises no quality for one and hope is only hope for hopes, you should be able to define how you can spend and enjoy the last few days and go with as little pain and suffering as possible. Quality of life and dignity The quality of life and the dignity of an individual person is a complex, unique, but as well changeable and adaptable in the course of a lifetime and in cases of changes and illness. Dignity and quality of life, there are a number of definitions and considerations in various areas of society, in faiths, religions, in laws and also in philosophy, but no general definition. Quality of life...

In many countries, there is a divisive public controversy over the moral, ethical, and legal issues of death with dignity. On the one hand, some people view 'death with dignity' as taking a life – murder – even though the person being “murdered” has little or no quality of life, they know this quality of life will get poorer, and they want to die with dignity, while they are still of a sane mind. Other people say that this sick and dying person has the right to choose to die with dignity, and that everyone has the self-determination, autonomy and dignity help-to-live and right-to-die - and that this freedom is a basic human right. First of all I want to stress that we must do anything and everything what we can do in order to improve others life, but we must not leave people alone - people who are in chronic pain, suffer pain, loosing abilities, loosing sovereignty and autonomy of their life. Yes, Our attention must be focused on life, and our efforts must be toward improving ...

The movie "The Room Next Door" by Almodóvar offers a captivating story that captivates the viewer from beginning to end - at least it did for me - by the way, I watched the movie in its original version - but this will not make a difference for the German version. With a phenomenal cast including Tilda Swinton and Julianne Moore, impressive visuals, and a gripping plot, this movie is an unforgettable cinema experience, which I had. From Almodóvar's "The Room Next Door," I take away the essence that life is fleeting, fragile, but can also be 'breaking,' full of beauty and connections to things, experiences, and above all to other people. This movie invites us and everyone to become aware of our own vulnerability and to appreciate the importance of deep human relationships. It also reminds us, at least it does for me, that it is never too late to seek reconciliation and restore connections with old friends or loved ones. It reminds us to appreciate the pre...

I do and we all should accept death as inevitable. I do not fear death. On the one hand that is likely due to my strong belief in an afterlife - I will meet my wife, all my dogs, our horses and cat and all nice people on the 'other side' - for me it is a small house at the Klondike. And on the other hand - I guess that the fear of death follows from the fear of life. A wo/man who lives fully, lived honesty to her/himself is prepared to pass away at any time - that's how I lived and live. So many people are so wrapped up in the material things in life that they frequently overlook the most important moments in their lives - and joy and happiness . Don’t be afraid to live life to the fullest because life is short and things might change ahead of schedule or quicker than one prefer or expect. Instead of living in the past or in regrets ( as I outlined a few days ago ), enjoy what is now. Allow yourself to be satisfied with what makes you happy. It is not a good idea to let oth...

Whether we like it or not one of the only sure inevitable things in life is that we are all going die and our beloved ones. We don’t talk about death. We talk about sex, drugs and money. We teach our children about these subjects but we don’t talk about death and dying. We need to talk to our young about death and dying and we need to talk among ourselves openly about grieving. Pets are a good start whether they because they passed away peacefully caused by age - but as well when assisted by a doctor. We need to discuss how we feel about their death and encourage our children to do the same.  And adults don't like to talk to children about dying and death if it gets to suicide. Many believe that keeping suicide quiet protects children. But this is not the case.  By the way - I did so and thought so as well a long time, but especially by my latest explorations of studies and courses and seminars I joined - I were disabused. This is not the case - because children are ...

Archbishop Desmond Tutu has died at the age of 90 Desmond Tutu has said he would like the option of ending his life through assisted dying as he called on politicians, lawmakers and religious leaders to take action on the issue. In an article published about 7 years ago -  the emeritus archbishop of Cape Town and anti-apartheid activist reiterated his support for assisted dying: "Dying people should have the right to choose how and when they leave Mother Earth" Please read the original text on The Guardian  or if it is not longer available Here is a copy: Desmond Tutu plea for 'assisted dying' before historic Lords debate During all my years of pastoral care, I have never had the privilege of being with someone when they die. I've visited dying colleagues and friends at St Luke's hospice, Cape Town, in the last period of their lives; I've witnessed their being cared for beautifully – but I've never been there at the exact moment of passing. I've be...

I am convinced that the individual and general right of personality of everybody encompasses a right to an autonomous living and also a self-determined death. I firmly believe in freedom, respect and dignity and as a last consequence it must include the freedom to take one’s own life and, as the case may be, resort to assistance provided voluntarily by third parties for this purpose. When I talk about third parties - I think of medical, anesthetic, professional, and psychological support by experts - experts like medical practitioner, psychologist, and other experts perhaps also palliative and hospice care. It should be beyond all question that the consideration and the act of a self-determined death and assisted dying isn’t easy for anybody. When an individual decides to end their own life - came to this ultimate decision - basing and founding on individual and personal definitions of their own thinking, perception and believing of their quality of life and a meaningful existence. ...

Nobody wonders when and why someone thinks her/his life is good, joyful or worth living. But if someone mentions that she or he would rather be dead - most often there is no understanding or interest at all - all too often even the immediate family, relatives or friends do not want to know the why. They do not want to understand that it is an individual and unique perspective. There are people who have already killed themselves - who, in the opinion of most other people, had not the slightest reason to do so. While on the other hand many seriously ill and severely disabled people fight tenaciously and persistently for their lives or for a better quality of life.  Whether a life is worth living obviously depends not only on external, objective factors.  I firmly believe that the understanding whether life is worth living depends much more or completely on the inner attitude and understand one's own live and dignity. And yes there can be psychosocial factors, depression and illn...

The feeling of grief and loss is part of life. We all know loved ones will leave us, but when the time comes, it usually pulls the rug out from under one's feet and one is loosing the ground under their feet, even as in my case I thought I could / might prepare myself - Forget it! Death also shows us that our time on earth is transitory - nothing lasts forever. Deep down inside, we think we or the people we love are immortal / will live forever. Christmas can be a time of heightened emotion, grief and anxiety for those who have been bereaved. That's why I am writing today this article and why I wrote this one a few days ago: ' Mourning in the Holiday Season ' Six months ago I lost my wife after taking care on her for 11 years. Years before I lost my grandparents, other family members, friends and comrades in arms. So I thought I would be 'trained' in dealing with the issues of death and dying. And as my wife and I talked a lot in her years of loosing year by yea...