Mourning in the Holiday Season

At latest up from December we all experience that the days are getting darker and shorter, the cold surrounds us, an even more emotional and often much more difficult time begins, especially for those in mourning. The days of the Holiday Season are the days when families show and celebrate their families, rituals, love and emotions. If a loved one is missing, passed away - then this lost leaves a void - that will also have a major impact on familiar rituals and habits during these days. Often, however, there is simply a lack of strength to keep up habits that we have grown fond of.

The holidays are often so difficult for the bereaved - because friends and acquaintances and of cause colleagues also have little or no time. So it can quickly get very lonely and not only during the days of Hanukkah or the days of Christmas - but also on all the days after that into the New Year.

This challenging time can turn into a roller coaster ride of feelings and yet this time is again a path in the grief process. Everything is allowed, nothing has to be. Look anew every day, take small steps, don't want or expect too much from yourself.

As you might already read in my former articles - I firmly see grief as an incredible expression of love. The holiday season, these days are most often full of love and is often called the festival of love. In the pain you may still feel the love for your died loved one, even and especially then. Perhaps you can create a connection by your feelings, send thoughts, write a letter, express your love.

There are beautiful rituals I would love to suggest for the holiday season :

• Perhaps you could cut a branch from your Christmas tree or decorative object and bring it to the grave - on the one hand to make the gap visible, but also to include the loved one in Christmas and to give them a place.
• You could also clear a seat at the table / set a place for your died loved one at your banquet table. Perhaps there will also be a special candle or picture at the place for the missing person.
• Everyone could tell a nice anecdote about their loved one who has deceased to bring them to life on the special day.

How can you help if someone around you are grieving?

And those who do not mourn themselves, but have someone among friends or acquaintances who mourns - regardless of whether after a death or a painful separation or if the relative is in very bad health.. Don't keep distance because you don't know how to deal with it. Most often the one who mourn has as well no idea - but even thinking of them and asking them can help.

Letting the grief diminish is not your job at all and it would probably not work or happen - but loving sympathy can make the journey through this time more bearable. 

And if you live further away, you could call from time to time or write a card. Even if it says “I don't know what to say,” it's still better than being silent. 

• Perhaps you might ask, if they would like to spend an afternoon or evening with you and yours or one of the holidays with you, if this is conceivable for you. 
• What will the mourner do on New Year's Eve? 
• You could ask if you can accompany him or her to the cemetery. 

But also accepts a rejection and is happy to ask what is needed at the moment. 

Or perhaps you may bring just a few cookies over - food nourishes body and soul. :-)