Toxic Masculinity

I have anyway currently challenging days. But as I bumped up against reality today - I want to note down my thoughts about Toxic Masculinity.

A survey commissioned by Plan International Germany (CNN News Article)  found that 33% of male respondents thought violence against women was acceptable. Almost half of respondents also felt "disturbed" by public displays of homosexuality.

First the term toxic masculinity came to my mind. Toxic masculinity refers to the notion that some people’s idea of “manliness” is to be dominating, homophobe, and aggressive. When it comes to toxic masculinity in particular or just masculinity in general and its definition, it quickly becomes emotional - not to say hot tempered . Because many men feel attacked by the debates about equality, feminist values, sexism and the questioning of role stereotypes and traditions. What has been defined, celebrated and promoted as typically male for decades is changing. 

Human behavior is multifaceted, in my blog I already wrote about other kind of human behavior and it is complex and so is toxic masculinity. However, there are some distinct male behaviors that are referred to as toxic masculinity. They can be divided into actions and behaviors that affect and harm the man himself and those that affect others. A few aspects which comes to my mind are 'good' examples of toxic masculinity - obviously toxic:

• Men are taught most often don't to show any feelings: Emotions of any kind are hidden or suppressed. Above all, love and associated feelings such as longing are stigmatized in toxic masculinity, e.g. as “feeling sentimental”.
• Do not show weakness: Fears, shame, doubts must not be accepted or shown in toxic masculinity
• Forced autonomy, self-dependence: don't ask for help
• Physical violence: the most obvious characteristic of toxic masculinity, often aimed at women (as the survey showed / shows); How normal it is for men to hit or threaten violence can already be seen in regular table jargon such as “let your fists do the talking”.

I am tired of men hurting themselves, other people (when I watch here in Germany Soccer games for instance) and I am absolutely tired of men hurting their wife and women.

What can we / one do about toxic masculinity?

Awareness, Recognizing, Reflecting - Knowing that facets of toxic masculinity are anchored in all people (not just men) helps to approach the issue together. Recognizing and breaking down toxic masculinity is a lot of work, I thought it would be better in case of young men - but the survey shows I was / I am wrong.

A quote I like to share is from Edwin Louis Cole“Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice.”
And to all my brothers - being a man, being a woman, being how ever you feel and how you aware yourself ..  is first and foremost being a good character. That means for me being responsible, being kind, respectful, compassionate.  If you are self-aware and if you are confident about yourself and your strength, you don’t need to show others or yourself your strength, your attitude by putting somebody else down. Show other and show me your true 'strength' by lifting somebody else up.