Mental Health - Widower Experience (WX)

As mentioned and outline in my blog posts before in German ( Recht auf selbstbestimmtes Sterben ) and English ( Right to a Self-determined Death ) German Federal Constitutional Court has stated, in a judgment pronounced in February 2020, that the prohibition of assisted suicide services set out in § 217 (which made assisted suicide a criminal offense) of the German Criminal Code is inoperative and violates the German Basic Law. In Canada there has been the possibility of so-called assisted suicide for 5 years. What (intended and unintentional) psychological and social consequences, as they are visible in Canada, entails such an opening to suicide assistance? What can German legislation learn from Canadian experiences and observations? Perhaps the Canadian legislation on “ MAID - Medical Assistance in Dying ” might or can serve as a role model?!   Prof. Dr. Raymond Voltz (Director of the Center for Palliative Medicine, University Hospital Cologne) and Prof. Gary Rodin MD (Direct...

I am convinced that the individual and general right of personality of everybody encompasses a right to an autonomous living and also a self-determined death. I firmly believe in freedom, respect and dignity and as a last consequence it must include the freedom to take one’s own life and, as the case may be, resort to assistance provided voluntarily by third parties for this purpose. When I talk about third parties - I think of medical, anesthetic, professional, and psychological support by experts - experts like medical practitioner, psychologist, and other experts perhaps also palliative and hospice care. It should be beyond all question that the consideration and the act of a self-determined death and assisted dying isn’t easy for anybody. When an individual decides to end their own life - came to this ultimate decision - basing and founding on individual and personal definitions of their own thinking, perception and believing of their quality of life and a meaningful existence. ...

Ich bin überzeugt, dass das individuelle und allgemeine Persönlichkeitsrecht eines jeden Menschen ein Recht auf ein selbstbestimmtes Leben und ebenso für ein selbstbestimmtes Sterben umfasst. Ich glaube fest an Freiheit, Respekt und Würde und dies muss in letzter Konsequenz auch die Freiheit einschließen, sich das Leben zu nehmen und gegebenenfalls auf freiwillige, helfenden dritten Beteiligten zurückzugreifen. Wenn ich von dritten Beteiligten und Personen spreche, denke ich an medizinische, anästhetische und psychologische Betreuung durch Experten – Experten wie Heilpraktiker, Psychologen und andere Experten - was auch Palliativ- und Hospizversorgung einschließt je nach individuellem Fall. Es sollte außer Frage stehen, dass die Überlegung und die Durchführung eines selbstbestimmten Sterbens und Sterbehilfe für niemanden einfach ist. Wenn ein Individuum beschließt, sein eigenes Leben zu beenden - kam zu dieser endgültigen Entscheidung - basierend auf individuellen und persönlichen D...

Bad luck brings good luck - and good luck brings bad luck - ... how lessons from Stoicism accompanied me through my life. It is worth it for everyone to look deeper into the philosophy of Stoicism. It is a method to help us in our thinking and actions in our fast moving and often unpredictable world. We can’t control the external events in our lives. But when something happens in our lives, we are in the position to decide what these things mean; we decided what the effect is. And remember this quote: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Stoicism is about the wisdom, or call it way of thinking and dealing with challenges that allows us to have a good and happy life. When it comes to dealing with difficult situations or people, the principles of Stoicism can provide you with a wealth of insight and advice. Putting it into a nutshell - it's all about the idea of looking inwards and chang...

Today I thought about love, change and uncertainty - The love I felt and feel.  and the change which is happening and the uncertainty which comes as side effect. Love ... We all want to find love at some point in our lives - and my wife was the love of my life.  There’s an extra mile everyone has to walk to achieve their dreams in life, to meet one‘s responsibilities, ... sometimes one‘s journey may be rougher than others.  A person that truly loves sees this journey and is willing to go the extra mile with their partner - that‘s why it went without questions to go these extra miles with my and for my wife.   I always thought about love as something magical, our love let me / allowed me to do things I would never have imagined I could do.  True love is a lifetime pack of magic, it never ends, there’s beauty in every little moment we shared. Change ... We all experienced that change can come in many forms in our lives. It might come forcefully like a tidal...

Griefing demands critical thinking from the griefer and urges changes, rethinking, improvements in living conditions, mindset, and feelings.  The death of my wife is the most impacting loss I had to experience in my life so far. My grief is like two sides of the same coin. One is where I ‘pretend’ that everything is alright, and the other is where my heart screams in pain. But I can be happy it was her will.  And as I always understood changes in life always as a chance for something new - I'm working on me to see that this loss is nothing but transformation. I am for sure angry with the course of life - or karma - but complaining or being angry do not and will not help, neither me nor someone else, for a number of reasons - but for sure because as 'karma' does not care about anything. And mentioning once again ( coping with grief ) the quote from Goethe and Herman Hesse: "In all beginnings dwells a magic force - For guarding us and helping us to live." - It'...

My wife made my time of my life I never felt like this before So, we took each other's hand 'Cause we seem to understand She was the one thing I couldn’t get enough of But I had to let her go Even I knew I will miss her so I've had the time of my life with her Now I must enjoy life on my own But I know she will be with me in my heart And I know she will be my north star and guard Sadness and great memories cover my soul and come to my mind while I’m thinking of her my beloved wife I still have no clear idea what to do But I know she will be with me and help me through Life was not easy, but we always fought – fought for each other She was always there for me – I was always there for her Finally, I want to let her know that everything she did I appreciate And I know in heaven she will wait She will be my shadow during the day And a light in the night - my firefly during summer solstice More than that she will always be my North Star and you pla...

Grief is that process that helps us gradually accept the loss and allow the dead to be gone from our lives but always remembered. Because although a loved one may be gone, you can keep their memory and legacy alive by celebrating their life. What I have learned about my loss, it is about to realize that you will never really stop missing the person who left, went or passed away. What I have learned about grief I have the impression that grief is never something I get over AND I currently think I even want not. I firmly think that I will not wake up one morning and say, ‘I’ve conquered that; now I’m moving on. From time to time I admit a thought that grief is just love - love I shared or couldn’t share with my wife- or the love I wanted to give but cannot anymore. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of myself, the tightness of my chest, the lump in my throat, … love with no place to go. By this thought about Love&Grief - you might understand why I thin...

After my wife has died and my wife depended on my care during the past eleven years - a lot or almost everything fell away and almost everything is no longer the same as it used to be. Grief for a loved one can affect anyone and is part of life. Like other crises, I have to go through several phases. It often starts with mixed emotions of shock and denial and blaming myself. Gradually, many different feelings break out, my thoughts keep revolving around the deceased - as in my case around my wife. It was clear to me that I needed and still need a reorientation for myself and my life in order to find a balance. This is how the grief process can typically go – as I learned. The first few weeks were a roller coaster of emotions for me - a swaying and up-and-down between anger, despair, lack of perspective, consolation and pain. I think it's important ... Allowing to grief From day one it was clear to me that I didn't want to numb my pain with pills or alcohol - because...

Today I listened to  Peter Gabriel's song "Don t Give Up" and I wrote this poem ... Don t Give Up We all are struggling right there and now Ahead of me there is a new world that I don't even know It's so hard to cope When mainly there's only hope So many things I will not forget A patchwork of love, joy and regrets. I am hanging on by a thread Staring at the razor's edge But ‘ not gonna step off the ledge Life often seem an endless maze, With twists and turns, lulls and delays, Nonetheless I still believe things will fall into place I taught myself to fight, taught to win Now I am on my way – finding the man I have been I know that it's right Never give up So I just gotta fight Never stop believing Never stop to fight And Carrie Fisher once said: Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What s important is the action. You don't have to wait to be confident. Just do it, and eventually the confidence will follow. Carrie Fisher