Mental Health - Widower Experience (WX)

Tonight I heard the song "Man In The Mirror" by Michael Jackson ... ... and I was reminded how inspirational,  meaningful and powerful it is.  Like Mahatma Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the world" This song has a significant message ... I guess we all know times in life when we are so fed up, that one finally decide enough is enough!  There are many things in life we can’t change. Aye - there are so many things I can't / you can’t / one can't control - but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.  That’s a fact - True - And we must accept it - But there is one thing you are fully in charge of ... it's oneself. If we want things to be different around us, at work or in the world, it starts with one person / with each of us.  Put yourself in position to do so by analyzing the results you're getting- and take a hard look at the face staring back and determine whether we’re doing everything we can to make a difference. It all starts with ...

Mourning is never easy: however, by knowing, accepting and recognizing that mourning has different phases , you can and should become aware of all the effects and consequences that the loss and lack of a loved one can create within us.  During the 11 years of my wife's disease - she talked about her final step often, deeply and honest. And as designer I thought I can mitigate the pain and mourning. I have to admit it only worked in tiny tiny details. But thanks to my great family, connections and friendship circle I could take care on my self and prepare it. AND by all these open and honest talks my wife and I could prepare our families, connections and friends as well and vici versa. Awareness is essential to be able to better pass phases and steps of mourning one after another. One phase you can really prepare is the funeral and the ceremony.  Plan and talk about your funeral while you are alive I suggest and it is advisable to determine a document with instru...

Ich wünsche mir, dass sich Menschen mehr und früher Gedanken über ihr Leben, Alter, und auch Ableben machen und viel häufiger eine Patientenverfügung abfassen und auch bestens weitere Vorsorge zu treffen wie zum Beispiel Vollmachten für Angehörige. Sie ersparen damit ihren Angehörigen viele Sorgen, Probleme aber auch Kopfzerbrechen und Leid, und sich selbst auch. Wichtig zu wissen: Auch Ehe- und Lebenspartner benötigen eine Patienten­verfügung und eine Vorsorge­vollmacht. Eine Vorsorge­vollmacht stellt sicher, dass gewünschte Personen wie die Partner / der Partner Auskunft von Ärzten bekommt und für Sie medizinische, aber auch in anderen Bereichen Entscheidungen treffen darf. Die festgelegte(n) Person(en) können dann dem Wunsch des Ausstellers entsprechen handeln und entscheiden, wie auch über Aufenthaltsort bestimmen oder Bankgeschäfte erledigen -wobei bei Bank bankeneigene Vorsorge - und Vollmachten ausgestellt werden müssen da dies Banken verlangen. Mit der Patienten­verfügung besti...

Was tun, wenn man selber oder ein Familienmitglied schwer krank ist / wird. Was ist wenn kein klarer Wille bekannt ist, schriftlich niedergelegt wurde oder aber auch keine Patientenverfügung ausgefüllt wurde?  Ich habe eine Reihe von Filmen, Dokumentationen nachfolgend gelistet - ich hoffe jeder findet Hilfe, Kraft und eine gute Lösung für ihre / seine persönliche Situation. Der Film / das Drama „Bring mich nach Hause“ befasst sich eindringlich mit diesen sehr sensiblen Themen. Und auch die Dokumentation / Doku „Zwischen den Welten“ geht ebenso auf das Thema Willen und Würde von Betroffenen ein. Und die 37 Grad Reportage „Die letzten guten Tage" begleitet Palliativärzt*innen bei ihrer Arbeit. 1. Der erste Film / das Drama „Bring mich nach Hause“ stellt die Frage, beleuchtet wo die Grenzen moderner Medizin liegen, den Willen und Würde von Betroffenen, Konflikte von Angehörigen und Familie und wann und wie ein Mensch sterben darf. Es ist ein recht gelungener Film geworden bietet abe...

My life changed since my wife died. And since then I wonder and explore ways to be happy alone and live a full life   Consequently , I felt and partly still feel that I have also lost my purpose and, certainly - if I like or not, I'm confused about what role I might play in the world going forward. For example, I am no longer a husband, but I still feel like one. Through my fog of grief, it was nearly impossible to envision a life without my wife by my side. So came the question: “What do I do now?” compounded by the inevitable one of: “Who am I now?” While I had to and one may have to figure out “what to do” rather quickly, figuring out the “who you are now” is usually a slow process. Consequently , I discovered the dynamics of old time friendships began to shift. I had the luck that only a few friends seemed to fall by the wayside – a few because they feel uncomfortable with the situation. Keep in mind that change is not a dirty word - each's life is full of changes! I...

Finding orientation is a challenge in a world full of different and  varying  values and cultures. One possibility might lies in personal and collective reflection about the values that guide us and the different cultures in which we live. What kind of life is dignified? What is dying with dignity? But sooner or later a much bigger problem arises: Who judges what is  dignified for  human? Each person for himself? A cultural community? Ethics experts? State institutions? Churches or religious community? Each of the named seems on the one hand to be overwhelmed by answering this - on the other hand, there are institutions that demand general validity.  Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road of life someone else. Everyone must travel and define the road themself. It is not far. It is within reach. If not work on it . because you have been on it since you were born. You should know which places and how you want to visit them - and if the road of life is getting...

During the last weeks I wrote articles about a few things one can do to practice self-care and otherwise look after your mental health amid the pandemic.  I think that kind of actionable advice can be helpful, as they helped myself, but sometimes even the simplest self-care tips, like making your bed or trying a new hobby, can feel like Herculean tasks. Somehow I often thought that if I’m really hard on myself, I’ll be less likely to make the same mistake again. But I discovered the admitting my failings does not need to come with commensurate self-criticism, however. Now I firmly believe: Self-criticism doesn’t work. It neither actually motivate myself nor any other person. Instead, self-criticism is associated with decreased motivation and future improvement. Self-compassion - being warm and supportive towards ourselves, and actively soothing ourselves - will help when live gives us a rough time. It leads to less anxiety and depression, greater peace of mind, and, importantly, it...

Oh meine liebe Frau ich sehe dein Gesicht im Morgen- und Abendlicht Oh meine Liebe, wie schön du warst Für Dich da zu sein war für mich nie eine Pflicht Wenn du mich angelacht hast Und wenn du mich ansahst war alles Ok und gut für mich Ich vermisse Dich Manchmal tanze ich noch mit dir Wir kannten uns in- und auswendig Und du wusstest so viel von mir und ich von dir Ich trug and trag dich immer, immer bei mir

I promised to love you, to protect you from all harm, and to care for you. To keep you safe throughout the nights keep you warm. Sometimes I wonder how it came to this Just don't think to spare me this Perhaps the truth and time can set me free From the half truths ensnaring me A black hole of intensity collapses on its density And sucks me to a darker place that hides behind blank space and a broken face When you left me the patterns in the distant stars the loose threads of our lives' loom When you walked into a room The smell of your perfume The taste of your skin All those bitter reminders How do I wake up, how do I sleep? How do I laugh now, I can't even weep? Where do I run to, where do I hide? The sand, it falls in the hour glass And time slips through our fingers fast and I have no idea how long it will last I am searching for peace of mind but also keeping our love in mind

Everyone has to deal with varying levels of stress. This can be particularly difficult to manage if you also have symptoms of depression or anxiety. When you feel like your stress levels have reached their peak, it might be time to take a quick break to reset. A mental health day is a day you take off from work or school, and minimize any commitments or responsibilities. You can use this time to focus on relieving stress, relaxing, having fun, and preventing burnout. While one day might not solve heavy underlying problems that lead to burnout, a mental health day can provide a much-needed break to pause, regroup, and come back with greater levels of energy and a fresh, less-stressed perspective. World Mental Health Day World Mental Health Day was first celebrated in 1992 by an organization called the World Federation for Mental Health.4 Today, the World Health Organization (WHO) supports World Mental Health Day as well. The day is meant to raise awareness about mental health issues, re...

Grief is grief - Full Stop ! The reasons for mourning are as manifold and diverse as the mourning itself. A loved one has died. A lifelong dream has burst. Or a relationship has failed - and much else. All of these crises are serious. They are not the fly in the ointment, an inconvenience, or unpleasantness in life. There are situations in life that shake our foundations. A time in life hat frightens us, makes us angry and also makes us grieve. Feel sorrow for unspoken things. Mourning for lost opportunities. Mourning for a person who meant so much to you. Mourning is serious because we have to rearrange our circumstances. When a person is absent, they are absent - there is nothing to gloss over or to whitewash. I am happy that I never heard something like "Hey, it'll be fine" is neither appropriate nor helpful. From my point of view, grief simply has its right to exist or in other words another valley in life we have to go through. Grief has and must have its time...

It is possible to influence one's thinking and choose where to direct one's thoughts. For me 'Having Hope' means not losing faith and confidence - but also feeling well-being. Having hope that everything will be okay is especially important when we are in difficult and hard times or in other words we experience a serious life crisis. First of all you should comfort yourself and give yourself courage - if you not already do so.  If you can't think of positive or encouraging thoughts, think about what you would say to other people in the same situation to encourage this. Methods I suggest to recall positive experiences from the past ...  Which situations did you master?  What went well?  When did the situation look hopeless in the past and which kind of solution emerged or about which did you thought about? Look for people - talk with people who have already found a solution for similar challenges ...  You might find these people in your environment. Or check y...